Decision Making Food for Thought

I had an opportunity this week to listen to my body vs. my head when making some decisions.

I did, and I'm here to report back. There are things we learn and hear that make sense, but are harder in practice. This is one of them. As an avid over-thinker and someone who spends a lotttt of time in my head, it's my inclination to ruminate over things and mentally work out solutions to problems. I think many of us operate that way, and frankly there's a whole cultural norm around it. The idea that you can think your way out of or into a situation. That you can strategize. And society praises us for making "intelligent" decisions that come from this place. But I've noticed for myself that often my body will send me clear messages way before my brain does. The messages from my body are often more concise, and don't require as much interpretation. Where as messages from my mind can be interpreted any number of ways until I've gotten myself into a tail spin.

Because we're so trained to use our mind to figure everything out, I think we often either don't notice or ignore the messages that come from our body. But just like your intuition, you can train yourself to tune into the messages your body sends you. If you're into Human Design, this is particularly applicable if you are a sacral being- so if you are a Generator (like myself) or a Manifesting Generator. You're actually really meant to drop into the messages your body gives you as a way of responding to opportunities. This week I had the opportunity to put this into practice regarding a work scenario. I was in communication with two different businesses about a collaboration. The collaboration itself would be the same for both businesses, just with different terms and nuances. The first opportunity worked itself out as easy as pie. Quick communication on both parts, seamless consensus on the terms, etc. It was clear it was just meant to be. The second opportunity, not so much. For back story, this was a business I had previously partnered with years ago. It ended sort of awkwardly, and I was left feeling sort of "off" by the whole situation. But when they approached me about partnering together again, I was open to revisiting. I figured enough time had passed, maybe things would be different, etc. I was committed to treating it like a brand new opportunity. Our initial meeting went pretty well, but I did pick up on some of the things I didn't love from the first time around working together. It was just a gut feeling. But I figured, I could still make it work. The next issue became a challenge around finding a date that would work for both of us. But again, I was committed to making it work. There was then a long lag in communication from the other business, and then suddenly they reappeared when they saw I was working with the other business I mentioned earlier. But at this point, I'm still in the game. My brain was working through how to make this collaboration work. Until I got an odd text from them. The second I read the text, my body had a visceral reaction. My stomach started feeling uneasy and my heart started racing. It was like my body was preparing for fight or flight. It was such a dramatic change in my body from the state that it had been in prior to the text, that it was impossible for me to ignore. The texts continued a bit from there, and the feelings I had physically would not budge. I kept allowing my head to play out solutions, and my body kept giving a clear no. I had a choice. I could listen to my body, committed to getting me out of the situation, or I could listen to my head- which was trying to make it work.  

One of the other challenges I have is people pleasing and a very high sense of urgency. It often leads me to make decisions in the heat of the moment just to make the situation go away- even if it's to the benefit of someone else and at the cost of my own interests. I'm really aware that's something I do, so I realized in this fight or flight state my body was in, that what I needed to do was get my nervous system back to homeostasis. It was also early evening, so I realized it was not the best time for me for full clarity. I needed to digest everything and make sure I was trusting my own ability to make the call on this. I let it rumble around overnight, and by the time I woke up I was clear on what I needed to do. I drafted a response in my notes app which I would send at a more reasonable hour. Except if I needed any further confirmation on my decision, before I could even send the text I got one from the other party. That text was the final confirmation I needed that my mind and body were now in alignment on the decision. But ultimately my body knew way before my mind could make sense of it.

As I look back on the situation, it's also clear to me that the two different partnership opportunities came up at the same time for a reason. It allowed me to see the difference between the opportunities that are meant for me, and the ones that aren't. I use to think that if I couldn't make something work, it was a poor reflection on me and my capabilities. Or I worried it would be perceived that way by the other party. As more time has gone by, I've gotten more and more clear on the fact that not everything that comes my way is meant for me. It's my job to vet that for myself, and there's nothing wrong with something not working out. Sometimes it's really just not meant to be. Just like romantic partnerships, some are meant to work and some aren't. Some are here for a season, some for a lifetime. Some to teach us things about ourselves. Sometimes we grow out of partnerships. The person I was years ago when I first partnered with this business is different than the person I am today. The person I was then was trying to please everyone else, and worried what others would think if I didn't. The person I was then would cling to things out of desperation, vs. trusting that something better would come along. The person I was back then would trust my brain over my body when making decisions.

If you similarly spend a lot of time living in your head and ruminating over decisions, try checking in with your body instead. I've also learned that when something comes with a lot of obstacles and roadblocks, it's worth considering whether that's because you're forcing a round peg in a square hole. Things shouldn't be forced into existence. They should flow. And contrary to popular belief, everything doesn't always have to be strategic. It's ok to make decisions for other reasons. I knew that if I did agree to this partnership, it was going to stress me out and make more work for me than I deemed worthy or necessary. And that's not how I want to feel about a partnership. That's not the way I work, or why I started my business. Maybe for someone else, that opportunity would be perfect, or the terms wouldn't stress them out. That's great too. But it doesn't matter as far as making a decision for myself goes.

Quick contrasting situation for context too, as far as listening to your body goes. The same week this was all going down, I got an email from a client where my body had a similar reaction of dread lol. Now. This was an opportunity for me to recognize that while my body was having a similar reaction (the body only has so many ways to message you), the reason for the reaction and my response necessitated something different. I recognized that this reaction was simply because this particular client's job has been on my mind for awhile, and there are so many moving parts. It's a big job, and it has required me to level up in a way in my business that I haven't been challenged to do before. But it's a challenge I want to and feel called to take, and have since the opportunity came my way. So my body still has it's natural fight or flight reactions as it deals with navigating it all, but I recognize that is natural and that it's because I'm in unfamiliar territory. My body is trying to warn me, but I know it's a leap I have to take. It's what I imagine the fear is like right before sky diving off a plane. Even if you know you want to do it, of course when you're right about to, your body is going to rise to the occasion and let you know it's approaching danger. So regardless of the messages from your body, there is still some navigation required to figure out how to move forward. I think I'm getting better at it, but it's a work in progress. I'll keep you posted ;)

XO