Who Are You Living For?

Have you ever taken a step back and asked yourself, is this life I'm living of my creation?

Maybe it sounds like kind of a silly question but seriously- easier said than done sometimes to be intentional about how you're living your life. This is especially true if you are easily influenced, if you're a people pleaser, if you're codependent, etc. If you don't intentionally choose the way you spend your time, it can be really easy to get swept up in other people's ideas for you, or society's, your family's, etc. etc. Unfortunately this can eventually lead to feelings of resentment. Not to mention, looking back at your life and thinking- how did I get here?

There was a really big portion of my life (more so than not) that was spent doing what I thought everyone else thought I should do. And by the way, some of that was likely self imposed! Me as my own worst enemy- making assumptions about what people expected me to do. I am not proud of the fact that there were many points in my life where things had to get to a real boiling point before I changed course. I would follow along with what other people wanted or asked of me, until there was a last straw of some sort- and then I had to get out, and quickly. And the worst part was that sometimes it meant that bridges were burned in the process. I would have so much resentment built up that I literally couldn't stand another second of the situation or people involved. Something I've learned that's really helped me is this idea that saying yes to what's not right for you, is preventing other people from the things they need to do and experience in life. Or it could be that you're taking the spot of someone else who's just right for the job (whatever it may be). Or maybe the person asking actually needs to figure it out on their own. But the point is, if in your gut you know something isn't for you, saying yes despite your gut changes the trajectory in the situation for the worst. Not to mention, you've just eliminated time that could have been spent on the right opportunities for you, or with the right people.  

There are so many different areas of our life where we can give up our power to those who speak the loudest, ask for the most, etc. Obviously there are certain life stages where we've committed to being somewhat beholden to another (raising babies), but what about the areas where we can take more control of our own destiny? It could be small things like what we want to eat for dinner, or it can be bigger things like having control over our schedule at work, or it can be the biggest things like what type of career path we've chosen. If we have too many areas of our life that feel controlled by others, it's a recipe for resentment and burnout and just overall misery. So what do we do about it? The first thing is simply to recognize the areas of our life that feel out of control, and analyze why. From there, we can come up with a plan. Some things may be as simple (well, sort of lol) as setting boundaries. Boundaries can be hard, especially if you're new to setting them. But they are the quickest way to take back your power. Maybe you're unreachable after 5:00 to your boss, and that's a hard and fast rule that can allow you to take back control of your life outside of your job. Aside from boundaries, sometimes it's just a question of- how can I make this easy? How can I make this more pleasant for me? When there's a lot of resistance to something, it often means we're out of alignment. When I first moved to Scituate, I was still commuting into the city to get my hair done. I felt like I couldn't break up with my stylist, and it wasn't that big a deal, right? Until it really was a huge inconvenience, and I was beginning to realize our relationship was a little more one sided LOL. So I switched to someone in Scituate. And you know what? It couldn't have been a better change for about a million reasons. Such a small change actually ended up being a major life change for me in many ways. It was a small step in taking back my power, and entering the next stage of growth in my life. Sometimes something that seems so trivial really isn't.  Sometimes it is in fact the really small steps that can lead to big growth. Sometimes you think the change is going to be one thing (ex: taking back some of your time), and then it not only does that, but also brings you to meet someone major who's supposed to be a part of your life.

As for the big stuff, the changes that feel like boiling the ocean, baby steps. Maybe you realize that you headed down a career path that was fulfilling your parents dreams, rather than your own. Maybe you fell into something that you're good at, but you don't enjoy. Maybe connections brought you opportunities and you just kept floating around wherever people needed/recommended you. Maybe you were influenced by society's ideas of what makes for a "successful" career path. First off, these are all really common scenarios, and what I spent most of my life doing too. And I still easily fall into these patterns when things start to get tough. The point with all of this is, it's important for us to take a step back and be self reflective. Evaluate where we've landed and ask ourselves if this is the path we want to continue on in our life? It's when we don't that we continue to get swept up and lose ourselves. And you don't have to have a definitive path forward either. You can decide a pivot is needed, without identifying the exact steps to get there. Sometimes just being honest with ourselves is the first step. Then maybe opening up to others about how you're feeling. When you do that, you signal to the universe or whatever higher power you may believe in, and your people, that you're open to what's next. Just that opening can hold the key to possibilities you never even imagined. Someone may learn you're looking for a new work opportunity, and may have just the right job for you that they never would have thought to offer you because they didn't know you were open to it. And you didn't know it was the right job for you, because you didn't know it existed or hadn't thought of that type of job before.  When you open yourself up to possibility, you'll be amazed at what can show up that you never could have dreamed of.

Your life should look like your creation. Not your boss's, not your kids, your spouse's, your parents, society's, social media's, you get the point. It's time to take back our power and create a life that's just ours. I'm here to help, so hit me up.

xo