YOU are the Expert

Growing up, we're taught to listen to our parents. Listen to our teachers. Listen to anyone other than ourselves.

So it's no wonder that we can get in a habit of outsourcing all of our decisions to someone, anyone else- but ourselves. Depending on your personality, your human design, your conditioning, this can be even more challenging and make you prone to people pleasing, which lands you in a place where you're making decisions more for others than for yourself. It's all really normal and natural, so no shame. I fell into the category of people pleaser, rule follower, pack follower- looking for direction outside of myself when it came to anything. The diet everyone was doing, the music everyone was listening to, you name it. It's like I wasn't living for me, but for everyone around me. It wasn't until college that I really started to explore what I wanted. Some of it came more easily, when it felt like there was less risk. Figuring out what I really liked as far as music, clothing, food. College was the perfect environment for me to try on all different ways of living and being to figure out what fit right. But when it came to the big decisions, I would still get crippled. That showed up most when it came to career path. I could not for the life of me figure it out. It felt like there was an overwhelming number of possibilities, and I couldn’t figure out what fit for me. From college through my mid 30s, I sought out any opportunity to get opinions on what I should do. From career counselors, to therapists, to attending events and workshops, to taking those ridiculous online quizzes. I'll fully admit I sometimes take them just for fun to see how my current path aligns vs. a quiz result. I so badly just wanted someone to prescribe for me what I should do. Here's what I've figured out from  20ish years of trial and error. You cannot look outside of yourself for the answers.

I'm not saying that there isn't a lot of trial and error to get there. I do really believe you have to try things on, and figure out what's right for you. And this doesn't just apply to career by the way, either. It could be what food works for your body. What exercise. Where you want to live. You get the point. This message holds true for all of it. You can research and learn from "experts," you can try things on for size and see if they fit. But at the end of the day, you have to get in tune with your intuition. Which is honestly easier said than done. We live in such a noisy world, where we're constantly being barraged with messaging and distractions, that it's no wonder many of us feel like we can't even hear that inner knowing that exists within us. And I promise, it's in there. It's in all of us. But it's a muscle we have to flex in order to get used to using it. And if you start off trying to tackle the big life decisions, when you've never worked to trust yourself with the smaller things, it can feel like you're trying to boil the ocean.

Try taking baby steps toward learning to trust yourself and your intuition. The first thing to recognize is that your intuition or inner knowing does not originate from your head. I repeat. It's not a head or thinking thing. It's a body and heart thing. The brain is for problem solving, it's not for tuning in to your desires and dreams, and your ideal life. You know that feeling when you get lit up and excited by something? Think about it for a minute. Think about the last time you felt that way, and what it was that did it for you. That's the feeling we're going for. So let's start small. When you wake up tomorrow, think about what you want to do for the day. Let yourself dream up what you feel like, how you'd spend your time, what you'd eat, how you'd move your body, etc. Now. I totally get that maybe it feels like a total mismatch from the day you actually have ahead of you. And that's ok. What I want you to do is ask yourself, how what you have to do that day stacks up against what you would have wanted it to look like. It will immediately show you where things are misaligned, and where you're living a life that's not of your dream creation. Make a list of the things that are out of alignment. While part of life is doing some things we don't particularly want to do (does anyone enjoy emptying the dishwasher?) the goal is to have more of your life filled with what you enjoy than what you don't. And many of the things you don't care to do can also potentially be outsourced (ex: house cleaner, grocery delivery, etc.). You are the expert when it comes to your life. So maybe you need to take a look at it, and acknowledge where you've given up your power and authority to make decisions about your own life. Let this be an exercise to see where things have maybe gone off the rails. Where there is more "shoulds" and "have tos" than "want tos." Then, let's start by adding more of the want tos in, and see where we can reduce time spent on the rest. We have to start with baby steps. So if you discover when thinking about it that your career is out of alignment, obviously that's a big task to undertake. But we can get there by taking some baby steps. Here are some ideas of what those baby Steps might look like. Maybe you want to start incorporating an activity each day that offsets some of the stress or displeasure your job causes you, to put you in a better space to start considering what's next. When we're deep in it, feeling hopeless and lost, solutions and ideas are not going to come from that place. So we need an energy shift to get there. We need to get into a receptive place to be able to dream up what's next. Maybe you want to start dedicating 10 minutes a day towards journaling your dream job scenario, or hunting job boards online to see what's out there and get inspired. Maybe you want to learn more about your human design, opening you up to the skills and gifts you came here to share, and uncover the types of jobs that would allow you to do that (you can hit me up to help you with this!)

Try things on for size. Mix things up if you're lost. Add some joy to your day to change your energy to be more receptive for new things to come in. Listen to ideas and suggestions about what could be possible for you, but then- stop. They're all just suggestions for how you COULD live your life. At the end of the day, the only person who can identify what's right for you, is you. YOU are the expert. If you need some guidance, I am here to help. I can open you up to new possibilities you haven't considered, be a sounding board, and provide you with tools for getting to know yourself at a deeper level so you can learn to trust yourself. So let's get this party started.

xo