We Are Not Our Thoughts

I use to think that my thoughts were a reflection of me and who I am as a person. It was such a relief to find out that that is not the case.

To learn that we get to decide how we respond to the thoughts that we have. We get to choose whether we even agree with those thoughts! Our thoughts do not need to run the show. Just because they exist, doesn't mean we need to validate them. They don't define us as a person. A good thought doesn't make a good person, nor does a bad thought make a bad person. We don't have to give all the power to the thoughts that come and go. It's how we decide to react to our thoughts that really dictates our experience more than anything.

We should treat our thoughts like waves. They will come and go,  and we're not in control of when they come or when they go, or what they are. What we can control is our reaction to them. How much we allow our thoughts to impact our reality. The easiest way I've come up with to discern how I react to my thoughts is by asking myself the question- how does this thought align (or not) with my morales and values? How do I choose to react in a way that upholds those morales and values? I'll give some real life examples of things I've experienced lately where I've practiced this idea, either consciously or subconsciously. Some of the situations are more trivial but the idea is to show the variety of thoughts we encounter all. the. time. And how we can tackle them to live a life of integrity with who we really are. And to take back our power. 

I was at a coffee shop recently and I had the thought, "oh it smells really good in here." That thought was followed by, "oh, it's bacon." Directly followed by, "I hate that I still like the smell of bacon when I understand what it is." Followed by, "I really wish I could change how I feel about that smell." So you can imagine that as a vegan, this can easily go into a shame spiral of feeling awful about myself for having the thought that bacon smells good. Right? But I can choose what I do about it. I can choose my next thoughts, and I determine the action that I take out of the scenario. For my next thought, I choose a thought of compassion towards myself that goes like this. "We live in a world where animals are still largely consumed, and that is not my fault. I am doing my part to make a difference. But the smell is deeply rooted in memories of my childhood and growing up, and bring up feelings of nostalgia. That's normal and there is nothing I can do to prevent myself from that reaction." Next, I choose my actions. Just because I thought the bacon smelled good, didn't mean I was going to let that thought decide my future. I wasn't going to order bacon, because I had the thought that it smelled good. Why? Because it's against my morales and values. Easy. Done. Moving on. I am in control here, I am running the show.

Next scenario. A little more tricky. And the reason I've been trying to spend less time on social media, in an effort to shield my brain from so many unnecessary thoughts so I can have a little more peace lol. Social media just opens us up to so much to take in and absorb. Recently I noticed that a fellow florist I'm friendly with got a job that we both (unbeknownst to me until that moment) bid on. It immediately felt like a punch to the gut. The thoughts that immediately came to my brain were things like, "why did she get it and not me? Why didn't that client like me? Was my pricing too high? Was I too over eager? Did she not like my design work as much? Did she think the other florist had more experience than me? Did she like the other florist more as a person? Did I say something that turned her off? What should I change about my business? What should I change about my pitch?" And believe me, that wasn't the end of the thoughts but is a good summary. But it's what I can remember off the top of my head when it's not so fresh. Isn't it exhausting to read that? I can honestly say that it is exhausting (and kind of sad) for me to read it, and it was going on in my own head! The reality is that when we're in the heat of the moment, our brain can go absolutely haywire and we can have the worst of thoughts. It can make us feel really bad about ourselves. I definitely felt bad about myself for thinking those thoughts. But did I get to choose those thoughts? No. So what did I do about it? I asked myself what type of person I am in my soul, and the person I aspire to be. That person is someone who believes that there is enough for everyone, that the right opportunities will never pass us by, that there's someone just right for everyone, that it's not my business to know why I wasn't chosen, and to know that that client was in great hands with the florist she chose- because I truly know and believe that. And to recognize that it is very likely that that florist has at some point perhaps felt the same way directed at me. Or maybe not! It really doesn't matter. But the point is- this is all normal. I'm not going to shame myself for having the thoughts, but I'm also not going to act in alignment with the thoughts I'm having. So after I redirect my thoughts in alignment with my morales and values, it's time for the action. Depending on what feels appropriate in the moment, I can choose how I want to respond to the information- if at all!. While we can choose the opposite reaction to our thoughts, I also don't believe we want to force anything where we're not reacting with integrity and authenticity. So if it doesn't feel right to reach out and congratulate the other florist on her work, I'm not going to do it. Maybe it's too much of a stretch. Maybe I'm just going to like it :) Or maybe I'm just not going to react because that's ok too. The point is, I'm not acting on the thoughts that are out of alignment with who I am, and the type of person I want to be. And while in the heat of the moment I may have those thoughts, they do in fact, pass like a wave. And soon after I've had the negative thoughts, they really don't feel like a big deal anymore.

We will be presented with endless opportunities in our life to make decisions around the thoughts we have, and to be presented with opportunities for growth. To be challenged to make the decision that aligns with our true self and the person we aspire to be. It doesn't mean in the moment that it's easy, but if we don't have our integrity, what's left? 

Here's to letting our thoughts come and go, and not judging ourselves too harshly when they do. We're human, after all. 

xo