Reporting Back on my Self Care This Holiday Week
This week was… a lot. Even for Niles, clearly.
I want to use today's post to debrief you, and let you know how my holiday prep that I talked about last week served me. Because honestly, if I hadn't prepared myself in the way that I outlined that I would, this week could have really derailed me and left me depleted. Instead, I'm charging ahead and continuing to take care of myself in the process. So I'm going to talk about the things that worked, the curveballs that were thrown, in an effort to emphasize how important it is to take care of yourself this holiday season to maintain your health, both physical and mental, and your sanity :) And to hopefully find some joy in it all. I'm going to report back on the exact things I outlined this week, and talk about the things I wasn't prepared for/expecting, and how I handled them/what I learned.
My Self Care Plan/Performance
Routine/exercise/meditation: I think I hit a pretty perfect balance in this area. What that looked like was when I could workout and meditate, I did. When it felt like too much (there was a day where I could literally feel the exhaustion in my body) I gave myself grace and skipped it. Regardless I got outside and walked the dogs every day (with the exception of the day it poured). This really helped me to keep a clear head and feel energized. One of the spin classes I took on Peloton also ended up being one of the best classes I've ever taken. That perfect combo of an awesome workout, great playlist, great instructor… you get it. The instructor at one point said, "there's a reason your windshield is bigger than your rearview mirror." That really stuck with me throughout the week. Remembering to look forward and not backward. To not dwell on things that already happened, and spend my energy being in the moment. It felt like the perfect lesson to take into this past week.
Diet: I only had maybe one day where I felt like I overdid it- sending myself into a sugar coma LOL. Other than that I was really proud of how I stayed true to my goal of minimizing the amount of "holiday eating" I was doing, and rather eat in a way that would give me the energy needed to feel good and get through this week. The result was a level of energy and focus that I wouldn't have had otherwise, and that I really needed this week with the amount of work I had to get done.
Drinking: while I drank more than a typical week, I was also proud of how I was really aware of how much/when I was choosing to drink. Again, I had one day this week where I felt like I drank more than I needed- and also recognized that part of that was due to managing some feelings I was having in that moment. What I take away from that was that I was aware of where I was at and what I was doing- even when it wasn't ideal. But overall I felt good about my level of control this week which again, was important in feeling the best I could to be productive.
Infusing Joy: this week that looked like watching holiday movies and picking out our Christmas tree. It meant swapping out our Thanksgiving décor for Christmas this weekend. It meant downtime spent with my dogs. It meant being in the moment with family. P.s. our joy doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s. It’s whatever makes you happy. Just a reminder ;)
Socialization: this was as balanced as it could be this week. Not what I would have wanted on an ideal week (a little more than I would have wanted honestly), but for a holiday and heavy work week for me, it was as balanced as it could be. There were only two days where I felt pretty depleted and needed a total recharge, and I was able to make that happen for the most part. One day I even took an unplanned middle of the day nap, which I absolutely never do! But I listened to my body and what it needed, and that was what it needed. I felt so much better after, when I woke up and went right back to what I needed to tackle.
Boundaries: I was challenged multiple times this week with boundaries, as I prepared myself that I would be :) I watched this tik tok by Mel Robbins that really resonated with me. She said that the issue with people pleasing is that your real issue is sitting with discomfort. The discomfort of someone's reaction, of not people pleasing, etc. and so you people please to avoid the feeling of discomfort. But then instead, you end up building resentment towards the people you didn't set those boundaries with. It really gave me the courage to make the uncomfortable calls on things being requested of me. To say no when my gut was saying no, vs. when my people pleasing brain was telling me I should say yes, even if I didn't mean it. In the moment, it is really hard to do it and really uncomfortable. There's no guarantee the person you're setting the boundary with is going to accept it, or understand it. So your decision may not even be "validated" essentially. But. What you get instead, is to know that you protected yourself and your own peace. We're each in charge of our own happiness, and we have to protect that. Usually I will have a gut reaction to requests. But sometimes I will spiral into overthinking them. When that would happen, I would try to gain clarity on my answer by asking myself a combo of questions: "Will this add to my joy? Will I be able to do this thing being requested, while also getting all my other priorities done- the things that I've identified as important to me? Will this add to my energy reserves, or take away from them?” Generally my answer will be really clear. Also- know that maybe you setting boundaries is teaching the person you're setting boundaries with a lesson in setting boundaries ;) Maybe they need that lesson too.
The Unexpected
Not my monkeys, not my circus: there are always going to be the unexpected events in life that we have zero control over. Sometimes they come in and hit us like a ton of bricks. There's really no way to prepare for these situations. But what I can tell you, is that the self care acts that I outlined above, did set me up to be better equipped to handle these types of unexpected challenges as they arose. I wasn't running on empty. I was taking care of myself so that when these types of situations arose, I had the energy and mental capacity and emotional stability to be able to triage. Here's a quick synopsis of the types of things I ran into this week and how I handled them/my thoughts on them. I bring them up because there's a really good chance that you could run into them as well this holiday season.
Politics/Religion Debates: there's a really good reason they say to never bring up these topics with family, particularly around the holidays when everyone is overstimulated, overtired, etc. Well, they came up. Here are my two thoughts- 1. try not to engage, regardless of the inevitable emotion behind it. Excuse yourself. Change the subject. Move. On. You can't control if someone else brings it up, but you can control your own reaction/whether you choose to engage. Which leads me to my second thought. 2. You're not going to change someone else's opinion. You're just not. Even if you think you can "outsmart/out-argue them," even if you do, let's say- it's not going to end well. People will be hurt, upset, feel unheard, feel misunderstood. Sometimes, to keep the peace and be able to maintain relationships with people, we have to not engage in the topics that we know are going to lead to disagreements. It's ok for us to have different opinions. We will live with it. The world will go on. We have to find a way to exist with people who's beliefs are different than ours. We don't have to like it or agree with it, but we do have to accept it.
Death & Illness: this is the terrible inevitability of life- we will loose people, animals, etc. People will become sick. There is no easy way around it, and the grief is heavy. We can't "fix" it. This week I heard news of people passing (some way too young), animals becoming sick, you name it- it all came up. All really terrible stuff. There is zero way to prepare yourself for this. So the only thing I can offer on this front is that if you're taking care of yourself, you can do your best to manage your emotions around this. Feel the terrible feelings, but not let it totally consume you. Or if you feel like it is totally consuming you, go to those self care acts. Don't allow yourself to be swallowed up by grief. Give your body and your heart time in the day where it can focus on something else. This topic is so hard to talk about because I know how unbearable it is. But what it also does unlike anything else is to provide perspective. To remind you how precious life it, and how limited our time here is. It reminds you to value all those you love, and really tell them.
Work Challenges: roll with the punches. Switch gears. Don't engage in unnecessary battles. Take the high road. Apologize. Accept apologies. I was on all ends of it this week. My biggest take aways were: 1. don't sweat the small stuff, and shift gears. Things out of our control happen all the time, and a lot of times our expectations of ourselves are actually greater than those of our clients. 2. if you've been "wronged," try to give the offender the benefit of the doubt. Even if not for them, do it for yourself and your own peace. Just imagine they have bigger issues going on that they took out on you. Or that whatever they did was out of their control. Protect your own peace by diffusing the situation or not engaging if that's an option.
Don't Take it Personally: it's probably not. And even if it is, focusing/dwelling on it is not going to make you feel any better. Let it go. Whatever "it" is. Let other people's problems, opinions of you or what you do, be theirs. It's not our business what other people think of us. And it doesn't define us.
Your Emergency isn't My Emergency: it's that simple. Having a high sense of urgency (raises hand) is a quick path to exhaustion. Sometimes it is necessary, when it's an actual life or death emergency. But when it's not, everything does not deserve the same sense of urgency. And just because someone else has put on you their emergency, doesn't mean you have to accept it. It's ok to be less responsive (this is so hard for me), and to let the chips fall where they may. To accept that even if you could do something, maybe it's not the best use of your time/energy. If you're prioritizing someone else's emergency, chances are you're taking time away from what you need to focus on.
I'm so glad that going into this week, I had a plan of how I was going to take care of myself. I can honestly say that if I didn't, any of these unexpected things that came up this week could have sent me into a tailspin. But they didn't. They were just things I had to be in the moment to deal with. It allowed me to keep perspective. So much of the week was good. Yes there was some bad, but I'm choosing to focus on the good. And that's how I'm heading into this next jam packed week. Focusing on the good, and bringing the best version of me I can. And I'm wishing the same for you. You've got this. And if you had a hard week, I’m sending the biggest virtual hug your way.
Xo
