Happy NO-vember!!!
You get a boundary, and you get a boundary, and YOU GET A BOUNDARY!
Don't you just love this time of year?! So festive. So many activities. So many invites. So. Much. Family. So much food. So much work. So much EVERYTHING. Honestly, I don't know anyone who just cruises through the holidays with nothing but unadulterated joy. Well, except kids. A few weeks ago when the holidays weren't really top of mind for most, I talked about how to use that time to prepare ourselves for this moment. Now if you didn't get to any of that prep, that's totally ok. Cause we've got other tools in our toolbelt to prepare for the crazy. It's boundary season baby!!! It's one of the most important times to lean into your boundary skills. Because the reality is, at this time of year there's just no shortage of asks, needs, etc. And our schedules are tight and it feels impossible to get it all done. And that's because it is. You don't have to play the hero. Especially because trying to make it all happen usually just leads to burn out and resentment. And that just doesn't give "holiday" does it? On top of that, it's getting darker earlier. So many of us just loose steam earlier in the day. Our bodies seem to think of the darkness as a time to wind down. So trying to fit more in… well, that just feels like a square peg in a round hole.
So we're going to make November the month of NO. Not sure what you're saying no to? Oh, I've got you!!! I'm going to list some of the obvious and not so obvious things that are bound to come your way over the next month. Feel free to give 'em a big no. And remember that no is a complete statement, no explanation needed. Keep in mind as you're going through the process of trying to decide what's a no- that a lot of times we use our mind for things that our body has already given us the answer to. Rather than overthinking some of these situations when they come up, see if you can tune in to your body. I've noticed that usually my body, usually in the form of a gut feeling, will give me the answer before my mind can intervene. If you can believe it, that's what you should be paying attention to. Your mind is going to find ways to make it work, or question if it's wrong for you to say no. There's no exact formula to what's worth saying yes or no to, since it's different for all of us. So don't worry if you're "doing it wrong"- you're not. And one of the first things you need to know is that setting boundaries is not easy. Especially if you're new to it. And the people who are going to be hardest to set boundaries with? Your family or people you've had in your life a long time. They're the ones who have come to expect you to react a certain way, so you changing the script may not be received well. But you have to do it anyway. And in kind, we owe it to the people in our life to respect the boundaries they set for themselves. Ok so here goes- get your "no!" ready for the following ;)
It's a NO to….
Making everything from scratch/homemade (unless you LOVE to do that and it's not going to drain you). Most people honestly don't care, as long as it tastes good/looks good. So do it for yourself if that's what you love. Otherwise, there are plenty of small businesses that would love to make that thing for you. This rule applies for both holiday meals and every day meals, which can get equally draining this time of year.
Spending your time with energy vampires. You know the people. We just don't have the time or space for them, especially right now. If we're going to keep ourselves happy this holiday season, we need to limit our time around the people we know bring us down, for any reason. Again- you know those people by your gut feeling. I bet you could list them right now ;)
Engaging in conversations that upset you. Emotions are heightened right now, so just say no to engaging in any conversations that you know won't end well, or that you know will upset you or the other party. Chances are, it can wait until a time where everyone is less overtired and emotional. Or maybe it doesn't need to take place at all. Sometimes silence is just what the dr. ordered.
Saying yes when you mean no. Someone asks you to do something, go to something, whatever. Your mind says, "I really SHOULD.." Stop it RIGHT THERE. Nope. We're not doing shoulds this month, sorry. This includes if the request comes from family. I know, it's not going to be easy- but you can do it.
Being addicted to busyness. When we just allow ourselves to get swept up in all the doing, we are losing the magic of the moment. We are missing all the things that make this time of year magical. And it's fleeting. Don't choose busyness over being in the moment.
Worrying what other people think of us. Spoiler alert- everyone is thinking about themselves :) Even if you say no to someone, create a boundary for the first time, I guarantee they're going to give it way less thought than you will.
Overextending yourself. You're just setting yourself up for failure and exhaustion. You're only one person, with the same 24 hours in a day that the rest of us have to work with. Why should you be expected to accomplish more with the same amount of time?
Striving for perfection. That's a you issue that needs to be worked on outside the holidays ;) But just know that no one is noticing things to the level you are. And they don't care. I promise no one is going to look at your baseboards while they're eating turkey.
Over consuming. Of any kinda. The news, alcohol, food- try to be mindful of when you're reaching for a numbing mechanism. See if you can go outside and take a walk or drink some water and let the feeling pass. Some of our exhaustion comes from using these coping mechanisms more heavily this time of year and really we just need some normality and balance more than anything. And if you find yourself slipping into this pattern, don't beat yourself up. Just notice it, and do differently from this point forward. Get back to it tomorrow, it's no biggie. This isn't about punishing yourself at all. It's about doing the things you know actually make you feel better, vs. what just provide temporary escape.
Screwing up your sleep routine. Of course you're going to have more to do right now, but try to make your sleep schedule a priority. So often that is one of the biggest reasons we get overstimulated and cranky this time of year, is because we're not on our usual sleep routine. Try to go to bed and wake up the same time most days when possible.
Saying yes to things that don't light you up. If it's not a hell YES, it's a no. It's so simple, but the easiest way to decipher what you should make time for vs. what you shouldn't.
Go forth and conquer my friends!!! Wishing you the absolute best NO-vember ever!!! I already feel lighter thinking about all the no's I'm gonna hand out, don't you?!
XO
