Role Models
Just like the concept of having things to look forward to in life, I think it's equally important to have people to look up to.
To have someone who demonstrates a possibility for how you can live your life. Who models an alternative path. And sometimes multiple role models are in order, to demonstrate different parts of your life that you're looking for examples of. I've been thinking about the role that role models have played in my life lately, since I'm in a time of transition in my own life. It's had me thinking about who I look up to. It's also had me realize that I need to be cognizant of my role as a potential role model, because you never know who is watching you.
Growing up, my role model came in the form of a fictional tv character. Felicity. I didn't even realize that's what she was to me until recently, when I started rewatching the show on Hulu (it gives all the nostalgic feels). I realized that I saw myself in her. A woman going off to college, with passion for the arts, but instead studying what was expected of her- until she found her own way. A woman who was sensitive and deeply introspective, who just wanted to find her own path in life. It was exactly how I felt in my later years of high school and leading into college. Felicity became a beacon of hope to me of what I could do and become in life. She gave me the confidence that I'd find my own way, and that it was ok if I deviated from the path expected of me. Right alongside her, I started watching Oprah at a young age and continued through college and up until her show ended. Oprah's curiosity and compassion and her generous spirit spoke to me on a deep level. I loved being able to learn alongside her with every guest she interviewed. She opened my eyes to all different types of issues that I became deeply passionate about. As someone who has always had strong morales and values, the issues she talked about affected me at a soul level.
While I was in college, there was an opportunity to apply for a mentorship experience with a college alumni. You would be paired at random and spend a few days with the alumni, getting to know them and hearing about their career path and journey. I was paired with a woman who was probably in her 50s, who was living in Colorado. I traveled to Colorado by myself to meet this woman, and we first met up early in the morning at a coffee shop. One of the first things she said to me was that I had done a poor job of communicating with her leading up to my arrival. That she was taking time out of her life to meet with me, and she didn’t think I demonstrated my appreciation of that. I was totally taken aback. I did what I felt was expected of me in the moment, and just took my "medicine" and apologized. The reality is- it's absolutely possible my communication wasn't up to snuff. I really don't know. At that stage in college, I was moving a million miles a minute between being in classes, clubs, being a resident advisor, and working an on campus job. I don't use that as an excuse so much as to say- I probably didn't give too much consideration to communication with this woman prior to my arrival, assuming that the onsite time with her was what I would be focused on when it came time for my trip. Her energy and the way she setup the whole experience has stayed with me over 20 years later. I took a lot from it, but probably not in the way either one of us expected. As someone who is highly sensitive, it was near impossible for me to recover from that first sit down. It tainted my whole experience of the trip. Safe to say when the trip ended, we did not stay in touch. The irony in all of this is that her career was in the Blogging space, when it was really the very early days of blogging. And what do you know- my career path similarly led me to the digital marketing space, in the early days of the industry. Something I definitely did not anticipate, and to be honest- didn't take inspiration from her on. And now here I am- blogging :) All the irony is not lost on me. But I did take two really key learnings from the experience that I'm grateful for. First, I am extremely conscientious when it comes to communication, and people's expectations of it. I'm now hyper aware, and have a high sense of urgency around it. It didn't come from a fear of experiencing the same wrath, but rather- a true opportunity for growth on my part. I didn't want communication to be something that gave people the opportunity to make assumptions about me that weren't accurate. Secondly, I learned the importance of not making assumptions about others and their intentions, and the importance of coming from a place of kindness and grace. To recognize the power of your words and energy towards another human being. To check your ego and your own expectations. Because we're all just doing the best we can with the cards we've been dealt. And we all make mistakes.
Fast forward to today, and I have role models of all kinds. As I get older, I become more and more unique as a person. More clear on what I want, and what I don't. Which means the number of role models I have are greater, because they're super niche. This YouTuber for general lifestyle goals, this celebrity for their artistic expression, etc. etc. And it's constantly evolving. I also recognize that I always need to check myself for how I'm representing myself out in the world, knowing someone could be looking to me for guidance in ways I may not even recognize. It can be a blind spot for all of us. Most of us never imagine that someone could be looking up to us. But whether it's your kids looking at your example, or someone at work or in your community, you just never know who is watching.
One of the things that really bothers me about this election season we're in is that there is such a huge role model on the stage right now, and with all the noise and BS of this election, that isn't the focus. We (fingers crossed) are about to witness a black female become President of the United Stated. A woman who has overcome her own challenges in life, and who has to continue to defend her worthiness as a candidate. A woman who has to try to shift the focus away from things like her gender and her appearance, to the real issues at hand. I can't think of a bigger role model in this moment than our current Vice President. And when this election is behind us, I can't wait to relish in what will be a huge moment for all of us- but particularly for women. And women of color. This is a woman who understands her role as a role model. Of someone who shows us how we can do better, how we can be better. I will let her continue to inspire me in my journey, regardless of the outcome of this election. We all need role models.
XO
