Cancel Culture

Last weekend I read a post in a Facebook group that really stuck with me and got me firing on all cylinders.

Often these types of things will ping pong around in my brain for awhile before figuring out where their home is. As in- I don't really no why it's taking up so much of my head space, but clearly it has to get worked out. Here's where I landed. 

Backstory- the Facebook group is for female entrepreneurs in the Boston area. It's a group of about 50k women. So you know when there are a lot of likes or comments on something, it's worth noting what all the fuss is about. The post was essentially a woman calling out a book author with a current NYT bestseller, that I just happened to finish reading myself. The author has become extremely popular due to the book, though I have been following her work for years. But you ever notice how the people in the spotlight tend to get as much hate as they get love? Anyway, the intention of this woman's post was to bring to light that the author's book is not based on a new concept, and that, even worst, it plagiarized a poem written by another woman years ago. I think part of the reason this was ping ponging around in my head was that it was such a fully loaded topic to me. I got into the weeds of the comments to get some intel into what other people were saying, and I sat with it. My initial reaction to the post before reading the comments, just at a gut level, was that I wasn't feeling it. When I got into the comments with more people jumping on the bandwagon, my distaste for it grew. I want to unpack all the things that came up for me.  

Discernment- I've been thinking about this a ton with the current climate we're in, and would encourage everyone to do the same. Use your own discernment. Trust your own gut and feelings on a topic, even if unpopular. There is no one way about anything in life. Trust your own intuition when evaluating what you hear. Whether that's from the news, or just people's opinions. You know the saying. Opinions are like a$$holes. Everyone's got one. And if we discern that something doesn't align with our beliefs, we can either use our own voice or let it go and not let it consume us. We are in a society where we are inundated 24/7 with outside information. From people we know, to total strangers on the internet who we'll never meet. It makes discernment that much more important. So in the situation of this Facebook post, I didn't agree with the perspective, but the negativity wasn't being thrown at someone I personally know or feel the need to defend. So my approach was to just move on.

Plagiarism- this is a big one. It feels heavy. Here's my POV. There are very very very few totally original thoughts, ideas, creations in this world. Everything has to start somewhere. Even if you think you've come up with the most innovative idea? Chances are, it's already been executed by someone else. So I think often times plagiarism happens with no ill will, but rather, totally by accident. I also think again back to the point of consumption, we consume SO much information, you could hear or read something 10 years ago, then today think about it and not have any recollection where the idea originated from. My point is- who cares? I'm not saying that applies to every single scenario. Let me clarify. If someone is sharing the same information, but in a different way and based on their own experience, who cares? In this scenario, I think- the more the merrier. We need everyone to share ideas, even if they're the same, if they benefit others. And our unique voice and perspective can be the single one that resonates with someone else. What a shame for you to not share it when it's on your heart to share. Who cares if other people have talked about the same concept? I think that as long as it comes from a heart and soul led place, and not from a place of consciously stealing someone else's work, and as long as it's from your own unique perspective, I say share it. That said, I totally get that if someone is intentionally copying someone else's work and taking credit for it, there is no question that is plagiarizing.

I think another reason this was spending a lot of time in my head was because I experienced something like this a few years ago that resurfaced recently. A woman had reached out to me introducing herself, and indicating that she was interested in starting her own business. She was very complimentary and indicated she felt inspired by my story, and went on to say that we had a lot in common based on what she had read about me/saw on Instagram etc. I was flattered and gracious, and offered to help her however I could. I never heard back from her, which was totally fine. She then friend requested me on Facebook months later, and posted that she had launched her business. Out of curiosity, I followed the link to her website and saw that she had literally copied and pasted my about me section. She swapped in a word here, and a word there- but the sentences were the exact same. It was like she was wearing me. I wasn't sure if I was angry or if I was going to throw up. It felt like such a violation. If she wanted to copy my website or service offerings fine, nothing terribly unique there- after all, we're in the same business industry. But to copy my about me section word for word, swapping our husbands and dogs names? I decided the best thing to do was just to distance myself from her. We hadn't met in person, only via the one email. So I de-friended her to protect my peace. I determined this was decidedly not someone I needed to be friends with. That said, we are in the same business and so we source our products from the same places, know the same industry people, etc. It's a small world. Years have gone by, and she's built up her business and she recently referred someone to me, who announced that she had been referred by this other woman. It meant I had an opportunity to face this situation head on, because I always reach out and thank people for referrals. It's my character and who I am. In this situation, I had to decide if that's what I would do. We had never talked since that initial email. She never followed by business on social media with her business account. So I had a choice. I could ignore it, or be the bigger person. I followed her business account and sent her a message thanking her. My realization was that even though what she did was wrong and felt horrible to me, it likely came from a place of deep insecurity on her part. She wasn't comfortable enough in her own skin, so she had to try mine on. Ok that's gross. But you get the point. With enough time, I was able to approach the situation from a place of empathy for her.

So plagiarism is tricky for sure. But I think it comes down to intention. And we should all discern for ourselves what resonates and what feels right for us, and what doesn't. And we should also give grace. Rather than assuming the worst in someone, can we instead resist the urge to jump to conclusions? Can we allow there to be misunderstanding?

P.s. imagine what this looks like as AI becomes more heavily used?!

Cancel Culture- We're still deep in this notion of cancel culture. We make assumptions and declarations without knowing all the details. We talk about celebrities as if we personally know them. There is a certain lawsuit between two celebrities who co-starred in a movie, that is currently getting a lot of attention. Some comments I've picked up on suggest that because the female actress has a track record of being less than pleasant at times, she must be lying about what she's accusing her co-star of. Why can't two things be true? Why can't she be a piece of work, and also be telling the truth in expressing that she was harassed? Why do we so frequently blame the woman? Why does the woman have to abide by sometimes larger standards than their male counterpart? Where is the room for error? Why is that that we live in a country where we can have a male convicted felon and rapi$t as our president, but we can't believe a woman who says they were harassed just because she also is perhaps, also unpleasant at times? AM I NUTS?

State of our Nation- So back to the original Facebook post- it stirred up in me this rage of women hating on other women, and on cancel culture. We are HUMANS. We make mistakes. Who made us the judge and jury on everything that comes to our attention? Here's where I've ultimately landed after processing all of this. We all need different perspectives and different voices to be able to make our own opinions, and to choose what resonates with us. But just because something doesn't sit well or resonate with us, doesn't mean we should crucify the person, or yuck someone else's yum. Everyone is going to have fans and have critics. But our response shows our true character. Can we live in a world where we disagree, without tearing someone else down? Can we allow for differences? I guess this really just touched on such a bigger issue we're dealing with right now, as we live in this divided country. And I guess what I'm really processing is, how do we unite despite all of these differences? I think the first step may be grace, and allowing two things to be true at the same time. We can disagree, but we can still all play in the same sandbox. Is that too big a dream these days? I don't know. But I won't give up hope.

XO