Test Your Stories
What if things could be better? What if the path to more happiness, is to revisit the stories we tell ourselves?
Do you ever feel like you're on auto pilot? Doing the same things, making the same decisions, playing the "role" you've always played. Sometimes that works for awhile. Until it doesn't. Then a couple different things can start to happen. You get bored. You get irritable. You feel stuck. Everything seems to be falling apart, and not working the way that it use to. Yet you're still trying to do things the same way you've been doing them. It's like trying to stick a square peg in a round hole. And no matter how many times you try to force it, it just isn't working. Usually this is a sign that things need to change. You're being called to look at things differently, and act differently as a result.
Change is hard. Really hard. But when you start to get these signs, it's usually inevitable if you want to get out of that uncomfortable feeling. And what if on the other side there is the potential for more joy? You can't get a better result by doing the same thing over and over again. The only way to test the theory that more joy could be on the other side is to test it out. To jump in head first.
I've been thinking about this a lot lately. This year challenged a lot of my old stories, old ways of being, old expectations. I realized I want more. And I want different. We're coming up on the end of the year and I'm evaluating whether doing the same things still bring me the same level of joy. Even just little things. Sometimes we change, and we don't even realize it or allow ourselves the opportunity to acknowledge it. We just get so routined. I realized I had really fallen into that rut. For example- I use to have the same morning routine nearly every day. A few weeks ago, I realized I didn't really dig it anymore. I use to wake up and immediately take my dogs on a walk. Mostly to the same place. A few weeks ago, I had a cold and the idea of going out first thing into the cold morning was just not hitting lol. So I didn't. I relaxed into the morning, had some coffee, and took the dogs for a walk when it was sunnier and warmer out. That one little change opened my eyes to how many other things I was doing on repeat, but not really considering if I really enjoyed them anymore. I was on a pretty routined workout schedule. I realized my body was pretty f-ing tired. I needed a break from that to sort of recalibrate. I realized I was getting in a dinner rut of making the same things most weeks. So I started trying to mix that up a little too. What's funny is that even these really small changes can open your eyes to so much more possibility. They allow you to expand. To grow and evolve. Suddenly, you realize there are bigger things in your life that haven't been working for you either. Relationships, the role you play in those relationships. Your job. The list goes on.
We host Thanksgiving every year, and every year I largely dread the effort associated with the whole production. It happens when I'm busy work wise, and I always prioritize being a good host. It's a long standing story I've made about myself- someone who cares deeply about making a comforting environment for people to be in. I've realized this year has to be different. Last year I did my old story of being (in my opinion) a good host, and it didn't stop an unexpected turn of events where the discussion went to politics, yelling ensued, followed by family members crying and leaving. So even though I tried to make everything just right, I couldn't have possibly controlled how the evening ended. That situation is a blessing in some ways because if gave me this much needed perspective. I need to change, and I need to change my expectations. And frankly, that sounds much more appealing. Just let things not get done! Let people talk about what they want! We don't have any control over anyone but ourselves. So this year, I'm bringing a new me to the table. I'm delegating more, spending my energy on what matters most, and not taking personally how others react. Let them do them, while I do me. I'm done trying so hard. And for what? Was anyone expecting it? Does anyone care? I think mostly… not. And I can say with all honesty- I'm not the person I use to be anymore, who cared so much what other people thought or expected of me. It's ok if I disappoint them and their expectations. Because guess what? That happens to me too. We all survive.
Sometimes the old stories have to crumble, for new stories to begin. We have to loosen our grip on what we know and what we think we can control, in an effort to find ease and peace. What story about yourself are you tired of living out?
XO
