Find Your People
They say we become the average of the 5 people we surround ourselves most with.
It makes sense in that we're often really routine driven, and end up largely being around the same people the majority of our lives. I also recently heard a stat about how we will spend the most time with our coworkers in our lifetime. It's really interesting to take a step back and really think about that, and to consider the people who are most influential in our lives. The people who make up our day to day, and therefore, much of our reality.
I've been making an effort to reach out and make plans about once/week with someone I haven't seen or connected to in awhile, who adds value to my life. This week I met with a new friend, who I had just met last year. We hit it off immediately, and then as life happens, it has been almost a year since we last connected. When we got together, it was one of those dynamics where we picked up right where we left off, and there was so much ease. I also didn't realize timing wise how much I needed this particular connection right now. This friend is on a very similar path, of questioning her purpose and trying a lot of different things out to see what feels right. At this point in my life, I really don't have many people that I personally know who are going through a similar journey that I can connect with. There was so much relief and this giant sort of exhale I got from being able to exchange stories about what we had been through, and what we were learning about ourselves along the way.
When you've been working on something within yourself it can sometimes feel like a private battle you're fighting. Sometimes you may feel like no one can understand exactly what it is you're going through. It is so much easier to have people that can support you in exactly what you're going through, even if they're just the right ear to listen and provide the exact kind of support you're looking for. When we keep our circle small, it's easier to feel lonely in our journey. It also makes it much more difficult to see an alternative way of living. Maybe we want to change some aspect of our life, but within out circle, we don't see an example of how that would be possible. Or maybe we worry about the judgement that will come from our desire to veer from the pack. Or maybe we just want to try something on for size, and don't want to be vulnerable around our "people." It can feel like a lot.
When I was in college, I decided to go Pescetarian. The only thing really holding me back in my mind was wondering how my family was going to receive the news. Was it going to make me a giant pain in the a$$ to accommodate my new way of eating? Was I now "difficult"? This was a dialogue that played out for me in a lot of areas in my life, and would prevent me from moving forward with things that were important to me. But in this particular area, I had backup. It was something me and my childhood BFF decided to do together. So I had her support and comradery in the situation. It made it infinitely easier, and gave me the confidence to be able to share the news with my family (who was for the record, very accepting of it- it was mostly in my own head). When I decided to become vegan in my 30s, it was a personal morale decision that honestly felt like I had no choice in the matter. So in some ways it was really easy. It wasn't about me, it was about the animals. So I didn't care much about outside opinions. But doing anything alone can be really lonely. I only know about 2 people who I've met in real life who are vegan, and I don't really see them. So I was going to have to figure out how to get support in other ways. So my support has always had to come through virtual "friends" and resources. Following vegan influencers and YouTubers, etc. And that has worked for me for over 8 years of being vegan.
It is so important to widen our circle to get to where we want to go and for our own personal evolution. I know it can feel vulnerable, and frankly it's just not as easy as staying with the status quo. But when we expand our network, we can find so much support in so many different areas of our life. It can also really strengthen our existing relationships, when we take the pressure of forcing them to be something they're not. No one person can be everything to us. That’s the beauty of each of us individually, is that we offer something totally unique. There are the friends who you can go out and have a fun night out with, then those that are good for the deep dives into life's biggest challenges. Sometimes you find the unicorns who are all the things, but not always. And that's ok. And the more people we can connect with, the fuller our lives will be. I have a friend who the only way we stay in touch is by sending each other TikToks, because we have the same sense of humor and like the same content around animals and self help and inspirational quotes. My husband has "friends" he's only connect to via Instagram for their shared love of brewing beer. They exchange ideas and tips etc. In the world we live in now with the technology we have access to, there are infinite ways for us to connect to our people. To find just the right people we need to support us in whatever way we need.
This week I'm meeting up with someone who just lights me up and I can always be myself and just have a great time with. Next week I'm meeting up with someone because we both have a shared interest in doing an activity, so we made plans to make it happen. What kind of support could you use right now? Who can you call on outside your regular crew to shift your current experience and perspective? If you need help finding support for whatever you're going through, feel free to hit me up! I'm here for you, and can also help connect you to other resources too. But even if there's nothing weighing on you that you need support on, I can promise you that you'll find so much value from stepping outside your inner circle a bit. Give it a whirl ;)
Xo
