Find your Paintbrush

As kids, it's all about having fun and exploring. We're encouraged to try all different things on for size, and to see what we like. We don't know, until we try.

And when we do find what we like, it's as simple as- we do more of it. As kids there is no expectation to be perfect at anything, and none of it is all that serious. Lately I've been thinking about this idea of where you can start if you're feeling disconnected, and feeling like change is needed in your life but you don't know where to start. I had an ah-ha moment about it this week, and I'm going to share in case it helps you. And I think it can start by looking back to that time in your life when you were just following the fun, and what felt right.    

As a kid, I found myself most comfortable and gravitating towards creative environments and being outside. The being outside part I was able to really make sense of recently when I talked about my connection to the sun in this blog post. And being outside just generally makes me feel grounded and at peace, and allows me a sort of a break from the amount of time I spend in my head ;) The creative environments are something I just had an ah-ha moment about this week. When I was in school, it was the art studio and the performance centers that I gravitated towards. Acting, dancing, being surrounded by paintbrushes. I just loved all of it. Now here's the kicker. I am NOT at all gifted when it comes to painting, drawing, etc.- your standard art studio activities. Sculpting, you name it- I tried it, and I sucked. But I liked being there. It felt like home. I was an average dancer I would say, and I was probably pretty average at acting as well. Same goes for singing. But again, I just couldn't tear myself away. There was a reason I was drawn to those environments. We don't have to analyze our every desire, but you know me- I always do ;) And it's explained so much of where I've landed today. So let me break it down. The dancing I loved because I love moving my body, especially in an expressive way. It was fun, creative, and again- got me out of my head. As for the acting, acting allowed me to try on different characters. As someone who had no idea who they were or what they wanted to be, the idea of getting to pretend to be someone else for a bit was exhilarating. I could unabashedly take on the life of someone else, without judgement! And let me tell you- I played some pretty insane roles. And I LOVED IT. I also think that acting helped me find my voice, and helped me build confidence and leadership skills. And finally, there was the art studio. I think I just felt at home being amongst art and amongst artistic people. I loved the idea that there was no right or wrong way to do things, I loved the expression, and I loved the color. I realize now that I was so drawn to being creative, and I loved doing it. But I just hadn't found the right medium. The paintbrush wasn't it for me. It took me a really long time in life to figure out that it was flowers and design for me. It was about creating an environment. That was my home. Designing spaces and using flowers to bring spaces to light- that's what really lights me up, and is the only thing I've found a harmony of passion and love and some degree of talent and skill for. The dancing led me to my continued love for moving my body, and getting out of my head, and expressing myself. The acting gave me the confidence to be ok with trying on different hats, and different ways of living- until I found what was just right for me. It also gave me my voice, and an ability to step into a role of leadership.

There is no accident to the things we're drawn to. They come into our life for a reason, and have so much to teach us about our selves if we stop and take notice. What does your paintbrush look like? What's the medium or the tool that makes you come alive? If you're in a place where you're feeling stuck, you're feeling ready for a change but you don't know what or where to start- do a time travel. Go back to when you were a kid. What environments and hobbies lit you up? Now- just as with my experience, just because you liked playing football as a kid, doesn't mean you're going to aspire to be Tom Brady today. I mean listen, maybe you can- let me not set limits on what is possible ;) But instead- let's dig into it a little bit. What was it about playing football that lit you up so much? Was it the athleticism? Being on a team? Being a leader? Being outside? Learning the strategy behind different plays? Maybe you're not going to be the next Tom Brady. But maybe you want to start coaching on the side as a way to bring that joy back into your life. Or maybe you want to lead a team at work. Maybe you want to join an intramural team just for fun. You get the point. There are so many ways to bring the joy you experienced when you were a kid into your adult life. I think this is where we struggle as adults. When we're kids, we know how to have fun for the sake of fun. We don't analyze, we just DO. Once we reach adulthood, we feel an expectation to make our lives about goals and accomplishments, to be serious. To "adult" so to speak. The focus is no longer the fun. In fact, sometimes we believe that there's something wrong with fun. That it's unproductive, or that we don't deserve it, we don't have the time, etc. I think that couldn't be further from the truth.

Depending on where you are in your journey and what areas in your life you're ready for a change, this exercise could lead you on a variety of different paths. Maybe it just helps you to infuse some joy into your life, by revisiting something that sparked joy in you as a kid. Maybe it becomes an exploration into your purpose and a potential career change. Maybe it just opens your mind to see that there's a million ways to do life, and to look at things- and it just gets your wheels turning around what's possible. Sometimes we have to look backwards, to find our way forwards. Sometimes we have to strip all the conditioning we've experienced over the years to get back to who we really are. It's all there, it just may need a little excavating. We may need to strip a few layers of paint to get to the original.

If you need help with this exercise in your own life, I'm here for you. Just hit me up. Otherwise, maybe take some time to be by yourself today- maybe outside with a journal. Think about the kid inside you who was joyful and see what you can uncover. It probably holds the key to what's missing in your life now.

xo