Sun Worshiper

I've always had this deep love for the sun- sort of bordering on obsession. This deep feeling that I needed to be around it as much as I possibly could.

In middle school and high school, during lunch we would often go out on this big hill on the college campus across from our school, where we would eat and talk and lay in the grass. The hill was literally bathed in full sun. And every day I would find it pain staking to go back to class after. The rest of the afternoon my mind was still out on that hill. I would describe this feeling I had as "senioritis." Like I couldn't focus on anything. It happened without fail, every spring. And we're not just talking about when I was in middle school and high school. It's been going on my whole life, I just never put too much thought into it. When I left the corporate America work structure, I had this sense that I would never go back to a typical 9-5. That I would be better off cobbling together a few different jobs. It was just this intuition I had. I also had this thought that if the sun was out, I wanted to be able to prioritize my time being out with it. So ya know, just a job where I can change my schedule at the drop of a hat based on the weather. Totally realistic ;) I couldn't bare to be inside, when the sun was shining outside. I needed to be where the sun was.

I recently found something in my Human Design chart that I hadn't read before. If you're wondering what Human Design is and how to find out yours, check out my blog post here. Specifically, I was reading about my digestion. I find this through the "My Human Design" app- which I can't recommend enough. What I uncovered when I delved into this was not at all what I was expecting, and was the biggest A Ha! Moment. It goes way deeper than what you think of when you think of digestion. It's not just about how you digest food best, but rather- how you digest everything best. Including information. And apparently for me, my digestion works best in indirect light. I am supposed to use soft lighting for eating and processing information. The sun makes my brain relax, so it's not where I should do my eating, working, or heavy thinking. This giant light bulb went off in my brain. It then explained and put words to what I've always felt, but have never been able to articulate or give meaning to. It's why a work environment with fluorescent lighting never suited me, and why I was always the one turning the lights off. It's why I tend to never want a big breakfast or lunch, and actually feel really lousy eating what most people do for those meals. It drains me. It's why I've always been a big eater at dinner, and always struggled with that when all the nutrition focused peeps believe we should eat more of our calories earlier in the day. But that just never came naturally to me. It's why when the sun is out, I lose all focus and want to be outside. Because who doesn't want to be in the very environment that relaxes them? It's why I am content sitting on a beach for hours just reading a book or dozing off. It's why I'm totally ok waking up at 4 am to go to the flower market and start working before many people wake up. Especially because it allows me more daylight hours to chill. It's why despite my love for the sun, I didn't want to have to "work" while I was in it. I didn't want to be a landscaper, or any other job that would allow me the luxury to be in the sun all the time. The sun is where I shut off the working me.

This is why I am obsessed with Human Design. It helps me put words to things that I sometimes struggle to explain, but feel deeply within me. Here's the other thing. We spend sooooo much time in our heads. So much time trying to make sense of things in our minds, when our mind can't be the one to necessarily explain it. Often our body is where the magic and inner knowing is. But the world makes us feel like we have to be able to explain everything, to intellectualize it. Now, on the flip side- here I am explaining exactly what I found that intellectually explains what I've been feeling and knowing in my body forever. But here's my point in all of this. It goes back to trusting yourself and your intuition. My body had already known this truth about my relationship with the sun. I was already starting to work my life around what best suits me. Allowing myself the flexibility, where possible, to work around the weather. Obviously it's not always possible, and if you remember last summer- there was little sun to be had. And that's probably why I felt it was such a buzz kill of a summer, without my precious beach and relaxation time. Whether you find human design as fascinating as I do, or if you couldn't care less- this message is still for you. We have to prioritize our inner knowing. Those cues from our body that tell us what lights us up (see what I did there?) and what feels good in our body, and what doesn't. If eating your largest meal at breakfast has never felt right to you, don't do it. Don't use your mind to make a decision about what your body does or doesn't want. What works best for you and what feels best for you, isn't necessarily going to look the same as the people around you. But we were all built to work a certain way. It's these differences in all of us that make the world go round. Cliché, I know. But we need the people who are cool with working over night vs. during the day, when there are jobs that require it. We need people to be doing work and to be living their life in the best way they possibly can- because that energy is contagious. The more of us doing what's right for each one of us individually, the greater difference it makes to the whole. We all came here as completely unique individuals, and our life should look that way. Take the thought process out of your head, and listen to your body instead.

I write this on a sunny Sunday, sitting out on my deck. I'm in my happy place. If I was "working," I should be inside, in dim lighting to concentrate. But this blog is my happy place just like the sun. A place where I come to relax, and where I'm at peace. A place where I can just be.

Xo