Rule Breaker

What if you have to break the rules to get what you really want in life?

If you're a people pleaser, a rule follower, someone who makes decisions out of fear- I got you. I'm still in recovery from all of the above :) It's probably one of the biggest hurdles I've had to work at. If it's not on your reading list, I highly recommend Ina Garten's new book, "Be Ready When the Luck Happens." I think it's a really fresh perspective on finding your own unique path, and the audio version is done by Ina herself, so highly recommend listening- especially if you were a fan of her cooking shows. One of the confessions she makes about finding her own way towards purpose and passion is that she admits to never being a 5/10 year planner. You know who else isn't? Oprah. So sit with that for just a minute. The fact that both of these powerhouses didn't follow societal expectations or the "rules" in finding their way I find totally inspiring, and validating to be honest. Now yes, validation falls into people pleasing lol. I know. But often when you're chartering your own path, it can feel really lonely. Especially when there is always so much input about how you "should" be doing things. It's part of the reason why I continue to feel imposter syndrome as a business owner. But hearing that Ina and Oprah didn't play by the rules either gives me hope. Both of them reflect paths similar to my own in how to navigate the journey of finding your path and what's meant for you- in any facet of your life. It boils down to intuition, and excitement. Notice I didn't say anything about thinking or ruminating, or doing what's expected. I know this may sound over simplified, but it is in fact what I have experienced myself, and what I look for when I'm needing guidance on what's next. You simply show up, and then follow what lights you up. Trust your gut when it has a strong reaction, either positive or negative. Trust your first instinctual reaction to something, before your brain has time to intervene and try to think it to death.

Here's an example of what that looks like in practice. Showing up can look like a lot of things. But the point is being available for opportunities to come your way. For example, if you think you may want to be a yoga teacher, you will likely need to show up either at yoga studios where the opportunity might present itself, or you will need to show up in front of your target audience- the people you want to teach. So if you want to do zoom sessions, you may be more likely to find your audience online than in a physical yoga studio. For something less specific- let's say you don't exactly know what it is you're looking for. You're feeling directionless. In that case, maybe you just want to be around a variety of different people to get exposure to a variety of different experiences/lifestyles.  Get an idea of what resonates with you! Maybe join some sort of hobby group/club. And then you're around someone/people who may be able to help guide you or offer you different opportunities to explore. When you're in these circumstances, you'll notice that your body will often have reactions first. It'll guide you towards what's for you and what isn't. It could be a gut feeling, sometimes it's an impulse reaction. Have you ever had a situation where someone asks you to do something, and you're immediate internal reaction is, "ugh"? Me too ;) Trust that. Your instinct will probably be to overthink and analyze the ask. Saying things to yourself like, "well, it's a good opportunity…maybe I should do it even though I don't want to." I've gone down this path and so I can tell you- the majority of the time it doesn't end well. Either it's filled with roadblocks, something bad happens, etc. Basically something to prove that I really should have listened to my intuition vs. the "should's" in my head. Sometimes your gut reaction might be multi faceted, and confuse you. It could be a feeling of excitement, with a side of fear. In my experience, that's usually an opportunity that is meant for you, but that is going to push you out of your comfort zone- and likely to the next level. If you're been in the habit of people pleasing for a long time, or if you're typically inclined to look for someone to just tell you what to do, I get that this approach may feel out of reach. Start with really small things in your life so that you can get to know and trust your intuition. It could be as simple as asking yourself what you want for dinner. Maybe presenting yourself with 3 options based on what you have on hand, in seeing what dinner idea lights you up. And if none of them do, maybe it's because none of them are the right choice for you right now. 

I totally get that the approach I'm outlining may come across as a little "woo woo." So, let's use this as a perfect opportunity to test this idea out for ourselves. As you've just read this, does it resonate with you? Does it feel true to you? Or does it not feel right? Whatever the answer is, that is what's right for YOU. That's the beauty of this approach of sussing out what's right for us and what's not by listening to our intuition. There is no wrong way. The point is that the path is going to be different for everyone. Maybe you're a rule follower, and that feels good to you. Feels aligned. Maybe that approach has landed you everything you've ever wanted in life. If that's the case, you do YOU. Follow the rules! But if that hasn't worked for you, give this method of rule breaking a try. If just the idea of rule breaking lights you up, you may have found the right path ;)

We're all different, so let's all stop trying to be the same. Let's stop believing in the notion that there's one "right" way to go about anything. I think marching to our own beat will lead us exactly where we're meant to go.

XO