Trusting Myself

I use to constantly look outside of myself for the answers, as if everyone else knew better than me. I didn't trust myself or have any concept of an "inner knowing."

After all the self discovery work I've done so far, here’s what I’ve figured out so far-

My people pleasing tendencies were getting in the way

I was so concerned about doing what everyone else deemed "right" or the solution, that I would take the advice of others without much consideration of whether it felt like the right call for me. What I now understand to be true is that people (while having the best intentions) will give you their perspective that's painted by their own experiences/opinions. While the perspective may be valuable to get, it is biased based on the person giving the advice.

We all have intuition

And it's our intuition that we should really trust when making decisions for ourselves. Sure, you want to dig into all the details, the pros and cons, and whatever other considerations that are important before making the decision. But then ultimately, you've got to listen to your gut. Now, this can be the tricky part. In my experience, to be able to listen to your intuition, you have to get really quiet. You have to block out all the noise, outside opinions, etc. In my personal experience, I can usually best tap into my intuition when taking a walk outside, or after a  combination of exercise followed by a meditation. I have to basically work the nervous energy out around making a decision from both my body and my head so I can clear enough room to listen to my intuition.

The second challenging part is differentiating fear vs. intuition. I'm still really working on this. I don't have an exact way of figuring out the distinction between the two, but here's what I've figured out so far. Fear can be our body and minds way of protecting us from doing something we shouldn't do. However, fear can also be misleading. It's perfectly normal to feel fear about something, but it's still potentially the right thing for you to do. How do you know if it's the kind of fear that you need to push through? The only thing I can tell you so far is that I've figured out that in those fear situations, there's this hint of excitement in there somewhere, and also this incessant drive to do research and figure it out (whatever it is I'm trying to decide whether to do). Basically I can't stop thinking about it. Usually when I'm sort of fixated in this way, I'm supposed to move through the fear and do it anyway. Alternatively, if the fear is accompanied by dread, and often physical symptoms in my body (racing heart for example) it's usually my fear guiding me to walk away. There's this balance to strike. The fear should motivate and push you, but it shouldn't feel like you're pushing a boulder uphill. It shouldn't feel like every step is painful and you feel resistance the whole way. In my experience that means you're forcing something that isn't meant for you.

You have to build calluses

The quickest path to working through fear (the kind that you know you have to work through for the end goal) is to continue to push yourself through it. The more you force yourself to work through the things you fear, the more calluses you will build so it will get easier and easier each time to work though it. This is also what helps you build trust in yourself. Not only are you learning how to do xyz thing, you're also learning that you can trust in yourself. You're learning how capable you are of working through these types of challenges. It makes every future decision that much easier because you've proven to yourself that you can do hard things, and you can figure it out.

The shift in energy is so obvious when you learn to start trusting yourself and looking within for the answers you seek, vs. outsourcing to others. Ever notice when you're outsourcing, how there's this sense of urgency- this frantic feeling waiting for the person to respond to you? As if they're making the decision for you? When you learn to go within, it's like meditating. You have to actually force yourself to slow down, in order to look within to get the answer. There's no better feeling than making a decision from a place of peace. It makes you not continue to go around in circles- it literally feels like you're just ready to move on from your place of decision, no turning back.

I've dealt with this issue of self trust thoughout all areas of my life, but the one I've most had to battle with is my decisions as a business owner. Working by myself, it's easy to fall into a trap of thinking that there's some answer outside myself that I need to seek. Lately I've been making some changes to my business. As I  grow and evolve as a person, as a designer, etc- my business needs to shift too. I'm also constantly asking myself the question of how to make things easier. How to maximize the things I love doing, and minimizing the parts I don't. In order to do that, I have to trust myself. No one understands my business the way that I do. Nor does anyone understand the way I do what works for me, what lights me up, etc. The same is true for every single one of us, in all areas of our life. So go ahead and ask a limited number of *trusted, unbiased* people their perspective, make that pros and cons list, etc. Get all the different angles covered. But make sure after all of that, that you look within. Get really quiet, and sit with yourself. Let your intuition, your gut, tell you what's right for you. And p.s. if there's resistance from others about your decision, that doesn't mean it wasn't the right decision- for you. We won't always be validated in the calls we make, and that's ok. It's our journey to figure out, and no one has to get it but us ;)

xo

p.s. understanding your human design really helps you to dive into the concept of self understanding/trust/intuition. If you haven’t checked yours out yet, check out my post on human design to get started!