Peace Begins With Me
The subject of happiness has been on my mind a lot lately. Maybe because in these winter months, it can feel more elusive.
But I'm just not willing to subscribe to the idea that it's not there. The magic of fresh snow fall makes it impossible to believe there isn't joy to be found right now. But you have to change your mindset. You can't go right to how annoying it will be to scrape your car off, the commute, the mud after. Yes, those are all there. But what about the other parts? The way that the snow silences everything. The way the air smells- this sort of crisp, freshness that you can't replicate at any other time. The way the sky is totally grey, so you can really focus on each flake falling, with no distraction. Think about the joy that kids and puppies experience in the snow. Sometimes being an adult is about trying to go backwards I think- to rediscover the joy that exists, that was easier to focus on without all the noise.
The past few weeks I've been exploring the subject of happiness a lot. It's just something that's really catching my attention, so naturally it's now showing up in all different formats in my life to consume more content on the subject. Today I want to highlight a few concepts that have been sticking with me, that I think are important in our quest for happiness- and talk about how I've been applying them to my own life. I'm going to continue studying it, and will keep reporting back when I have more I feel inspired to share. Bear with me, because I’m still deep into my research on the topic- so it may not read 100% cohesive yet. I’m deep in processing mode!!! But I think it’s worth sharing ;)
Happiness is an inside job- often when we're seeking happiness, it's because there's a lack- or some sort of void, some sort of hole we're trying to fill. Often the way we try to fill that void is with things outside of our self. It can come in a number of forms. Outside approval/validation, addiction, material objects, etc. The challenge is to recognize that our happiness is an inside job. So instead of trying to make those more negative emotions go away, or trying to numb them, instead sitting with them. Recognizing them for what they are. Owning them. Knowing they don't define us. There's nothing wrong with feeling that way, we just hate sitting in the discomfort of it. But that's where the work is. Sit with it, acknowledge it, and see how you can find joy in spite of it. A lot of our unhappiness comes from thinking about the past, or thinking about the future. So try when you're in that space, to get yourself back in the moment. What's happening around you right in this moment? What do you see, smell, taste, hear? Getting yourself in the moment can give you the perspective that regardless of the negative emotions you're feeling, they will pass. The work is finding a place of peace within ourselves regardless of what's going on outside of ourselves. And to not identify the "self" as the emotions we're feeling.
Emotional reaction- we aren't our emotions. Our emotions signal to us that there's something worth paying attention to. Something to protect ourselves from. But how great is the threat? We are not our emotions. We can recognize them for what they are, and choose our reactions accordingly. Also- other people's emotions are not ours. If you're an empath and/or highly sensitive, you may easily take on and mistake other people's emotions for your own, instantly shifting your mood. Identifying what is and isn't yours, and releasing yourself from the responsibility of holding space for someone else's emotions is the ultimate freedom. Also, someone's opinion or perception of you doesn't define you. Don't let them tell you how you should feel about yourself. When I find I'm having strong emotional reactions to the people around me, I've found the best thing for me to do is create space for myself, and get outside and away from everything/everyone. Be able to be with myself, and tune into what's mine, and what isn't.
Pause- it's hard not immediately respond, especially when something triggers you. I have such a hard time with this. As someone with a really high sense of urgency, I struggle with pausing. Which is why it's exactly what I have to do. To not react immediately. To take a beat, and let any negative feelings/emotions pass before I'm more clear headed to respond (or to not respond, which may be the answer). You'll notice if you do this, that the negative feelings tend to pass more quickly than you think. Or at least they dull enough that you can have a more clear headed reaction. I've noticed when I get triggered by something, I often miss a lot of the details. If I pause, I'll go back and re-read something for example- maybe a text or email- and realize that I misread parts of it. It's like my mind jumped to worst case scenario. All an act of self protection, but maybe the threat wasn't really all that great. I also find that when I pause, sometimes things resolve themselves without the need for me to even get involved. Sometimes it's maybe not even meant for me to get involved at all. Sometimes the better move is to let the other party deal with it. Maybe it's their lesson and not mine.
Go within- when I've paused on something, the best next thing for me to do is to focus on something else so that I'm not circling the drain on something. Giving my mind ample space away from the issue before I return to it. While I can't always totally quiet my mind, I find a short, mantra based meditation is helpful. Something that really forces me to focus on something else, and something that directs me on what to focus on. I love this meditation if you have the Peloton app. The mantra is "peace begins with me." And it includes movements you do with your fingers while you say the mantra, so it's a lot easier to really focus on the meditation vs. being in your head. If you don't have Peloton, just google "mantra meditations" and pick one that appeals to you. These are especially good meditations if you're new to meditating, or if you find it really hard to meditate (as most people, myself included, do!).
I could go on and on about what I'm learning, but these are some of the things that have really stuck out in my mind this week, and that I've been trying to apply to my day to day life. If the topic of happiness interests you as well, here are some of the things I've been reading/listening to that have really got me thinking:
Resources-
Podcasts:
Mel Robbins- The Secret to Success and Happiness Nobody Talks About
Diary of a CEO- the No. 1 Happiness Expert Interviewed- Arthur C. Brooks
Human Design- Emotions + Human Design (you have to get your Human Design chart first in order for this to make sense! See my Blog post here on this. P.s. I'm a "non-emotional" being- which I found totally shocking but once I listened to this Podcast, it made TOTAL sense. Non- emotionals tend to feel the emotions coming off "emotional" beings even more… it's a fascinating topic that I'm just now delving into).
Audiobook/Book:
Meditation:
Kristin McGee 5 min basics: mantra (5/31/23)
So much more to come ;)
I'm wishing you a week filled with happiness, and inner peace-
xo
