Tested
When you think you’ve learned something, the universe will for sure test you.
Nothing happens by accident, and it all happens exactly when it should, as it should. I truly believe that. It doesn’t mean I can always make sense of it, but I trust that things are happening for me, rather than to me. Just last week, I was writing about finding happiness. How it has to come from within, and that you have to find it despite whatever your life circumstances are in that moment. I usually write about things that are fresh in my mind, and I’m usually writing as a form of processing. So there is no surprise that I published my blog post on happiness last Sunday mid-day, and by about 1:30 am I was booking an appointment at urgent care on my phone in the dark. In a matter of hours I went from being perfectly fine to experiencing intense ear pain and sinus pressure on one side of my face that was bringing literal tears to my eyes. So I laid awake, willing my 10:40 am apt to hurry up and get here- I was convinced it was an ear and/or sinus infection and that I needed antibiotics STAT. And I thought of the irony of my post on happiness. Since the idea of happiness was fresh in my mind, I made a decision around how I was going to show up to my appointment because a. I hate going to the dr. and avoid it like the plague unless I absolutely can’t avoid it and b. the urgent care near us is a fresh kind of hell.
I was reminded of a podcast I had listened to earlier in the week. The concept discussed was the idea of being a Thermostat instead of a Thermometer. The idea is that often HSPs (highly sensitive people) will take the temperature of a room, and adjust themselves accordingly. The energy in the room will impact them on a deep level. The alternative suggestion was to become a Thermostat instead. Coming into the room with a strong sense of self and energy, and bringing that to to room. Being the one to shift the energy, vs. assuming the temperature of the room. I loved this idea. It put so simply into words something I have felt for myself, while offering me an alternative approach. So I told myself, I’m going to enter that urgent care as a Thermostat. I’m going to bring a positive energy and vibe to a less than positive place. While also keeping in perspective that we’re in the middle of sick season, and the staff is probably exhausted and frustrated and dealing with all sorts of stuff on their side that I don’t have to see. And I’m not just going to fake my positivity. I have plenty to be positive about. I considered all the things I had to be grateful for in this less than ideal situation. I have an urgent care that’s less than 15 mins away from my home. I have health insurance. If I need a RX, I have a billion pharmacies around me. I am self employed, so I can adjust my schedule as I need to. I am not chronically ill, and I don’t have to deal with illness and pain every day, as many people do.
So I got out of bed and I meditated. I focused on all the things I was grateful for. Then I shot a quick text to a family member because let’s be honest- sometimes we do need a hot sec to vent our frustration and just get it out. So I did that, and I moved on. Then I headed to the urgent care.
And the result? Largely positive, as far as urgent care goes. I was seen almost right on time of my apt. I was in and out in just under an hour. People were relatively kind and not as frazzled as I’ve previously experienced. And even though the result of my apt was not at all what I wanted (meds that would make the pain go away) and I was instead prescribed to take over the counter meds and rest and wait…. I accepted it. What other choice did I have? And I was on my way.
By the way, none of this is me seeking a pity party- let’s be honest here, I wasn’t dying. It’s more that I recognize these are the kinds of things all of us deal with every day, that threaten our happiness. That call it into question and test its presence in our life. So when this was happening I recognized that I was being tested on what I had put out there last week in the Blog. The rest of the week was as you would imagine- the domino effect of being sick. And it wasn’t the kind of sick where I could power through. Rather, it took me down with it. I didn’t get a lot of work stuff done that I needed to, meetings and dinner plans were cancelled, you know the drill. No workouts, no dogs walks. No routine of any kind. All the momentum I felt I had built up the last few weeks of January trying to “get back to it” suddenly seemed to be slipping out of my grasp. And I just had to sit with myself, and just be.
When you’re sick, all you want to do is get back to normal day to day life. It’s not the big things you’re looking forward to. It’s the smallest of things. Being able to sleep at night. Having energy. Being able to move comfortably. Being able to workout, to work, to see people. It’s the basics. And apparently the universe wanted to remind me to be appreciative of all the little things that truly do bring me happiness. I did my best.
We’re all a work in progress and that’s exactly how it’s supposed to be. Today I sit here, and I’m happy. I have my health. I was able to walk the dogs outside, to get coffee at our local coffee shop down in the harbor. The sun is out for the first time in what feels like forever. I’m catching up on the work that didn’t get done this week. I’m realizing how lucky I am that being sick was a fleeting and temporary thing for me, and how so many people suffer with chronic pain and illness daily. I am lucky. I will let this past week continue to remind me that it’s really just the little things that I’m grateful for, and that make me happy.
I’m wishing you a week of health, and happiness <3
xo
