How to Find Ease

It's easier to be happy and to live with ease, but what's standing in the way?

Well, it would be really easy to come up with a whole list of reasons why on any given day, we could choose fear, despair, unease, and lack instead of happiness. Some are big on suggesting a focus on gratitude to shift your mindset. I don't disagree with that idea, but find that sometimes it's not quite that easy. Sometimes just thinking about what you have to be grateful for doesn't immediately shift you into the feeling of gratitude, because your head may still be spinning on whatever is preoccupying it to focus on fear instead. It's almost like it's too big of a shift to go from black to white. Instead, I really like this concept I heard from Mel Robbins. The "let them" concept. The idea is that whatever is stressing you, you find a way to sort of say… let it be what it is. Because what's stressing us out most is our desire to try to control things that we often have zero control over. I think it's a helpful tool in the moment where you're feeling dis-ease, to be able to course correct. Because we are not our thoughts. WE ARE NOT OUR THOUGHTS lol. Obviously this rule can't apply to everything. We can't just "let them" in a situation where something truly harmful could happen that requires our involvement, or sometimes we're just feeling anxiety that we can't totally pinpoint- in which case I think it's better to go the direction of self care tactics- exercise, fresh air, rest, hydration, etc. to try to help us in the moment. But other than those situations, I think the "let them" tool is super helpful.

Our brains love to focus on things that are "unresolved." They love to spin us around endlessly in an effort to come up with a solution. Sometimes there is no solution. Sometimes it's not going to come by just overthinking it. Sometimes, we need to just let it go. We're always trying to prevent bad things from happening, or prevent time from being wasted, or prevent someone from making the same mistake we have. It's all with the best of intention. But how do we know that we, in fact, know best? How do we know how it's all going to work out? How can we be sure that our involvement is in fact, needed? Maybe it's part of someone's path that they have to experience something crappy that you've already been through. Maybe they have to go through it for their own reasons that you can't possibly understand. Why should you prevent them from their own important life lesson? This is so hard, especially with people we care about and love. We just want the best for them. We want to help. But sometimes we have to check ourselves.

Do you want to be happy, or do you want to be right? It's rare you get both. There's some sort of cost. The energy it takes to be right, to push your agenda, can come at a greater cost than it's worth. It is in fact, easier to be happy I think. But you do have to check your ego and say to yourself that the long term goal of your happiness and peace is more important than being right.

On the flip side, you don't need to prove yourself, your decisions, your objectives to anyone else. If they don't believe you, don't agree with you, don't understand you- let them. Just let them feel the way they feel.  

I can really get caught up in unnecessary frustration on a day to day basis that I have to really check myself on. It is a daily work in progress. I can get easily hung up on things that I consider inefficient, rude, sloppy, etc. because they contradict the way I want to be and live. I have to resist the urge to make assumptions about why people do what they do. I have to resist the urge to assume the worst about someone's intentions, because it doesn’t make me happier to think that way. AND, there's a really good chance that I am wrong. Yes, me :) I appreciate that my brain is trying to protect me, but I am not my thoughts. A few examples of some of the day to day happenings that can cause dis-ease that come to mind-

My husband (who contrary to what I'm about to say, I do truly love LOL, and who has read this prior to my posting) is extremely messy. Not just crap around the house and not put away kind of messy, but also little beard hairs in the sink, crumbs everywhere kind of messy. The way it triggers me….. there aren't adequate words to fully describe. It's kind of like I see red. As someone who was raised in a everything gets put away and counters are clean at all times kind of household, I just thought that's how life was supposed to be. And it's what I'm comfortable with. As a highly sensitive person, I also really crave organization and cleanliness for my peace of mind. It's like physical chaos creates mental and emotional chaos for me. It means I take Jeb's messiness as a personal assault. I have explained at every level there is to him why his messiness causes me to spiral. I'm trying to get him to understand something he cannot understand. I am a broken record. And is it changing anything? Is it making things better? No. So what's the alternative? The alternative is for me to say "let him." It is probably the #1 thing that bothers me most- and I recognize there could be far greater problems in our marriage. Has he always been this way? Yes. Do I think he is doing it to try to make me scream? Sometimes LOL. But no. Do I think it's more likely that it doesn't bother him personally, so he doesn't choose to focus on it? Yes. So I'm left with only one solution. I can focus on myself, and my role. I can let him be who he is, and what bothers me, I can control myself- for my own peace. This is a great example of something I am writing about in an effort to help my future self. To remind myself that this is something I have to work on every.single.day. I get triggered every day, and it's going to happen every day. How do I choose happiness and ease in this scenario? I have to release any expectation I have of control, which I clearly don't have. I have to let it happen.

Another example is some of the stuff I deal with as a small business owner. Talk about opportunities to check myself, not take things personally, and choose happiness and ease :) It's easy to let myself spiral into this dialogue in my head about why people do the things they do, say the things they say. If someone asks me for a quote, then tries to whittle things down to the smallest dollar amount possible. I can easily assume worst case scenario- they undervalue me and my services. OR, it could just be that they don't have the money to spend, but really want my services. Or the client who places a delivery order, totally neglecting the terms around delivery. I can assume they're trying to get around my processes/policies in place. OR, it could be they just didn't read the details at all in a scramble to place an order. I can assume that no one signed up for my event because of the cost, or that they don't value the lessons I teach. OR, it could be a time where people are conserving money, or I've scheduled it for a time that doesn't work for people, etc. I've been hearing a lot of talk recently in the floral space about how bookings are down this year and how everyone is struggling for business compared to years past. OR, I can think about the fact that 2024 has been projected by numerologists etc. as a year of abundance. What do I choose in any of these scenarios? And who cares what is actually "right?" Does it matter who is right or what is right? What matters is happiness. So. If people undervalue my services, I can let them. If people ignore my policies, I can let them. If people want to operate on scarcity and try to make me feel the same way, I can let them. I can let them do all of these things, and I can still choose happiness. If those thoughts don't make me happy, I don't have to choose them for myself. I can respond for myself, in a way that protects my happiness. I can say I'm not the right fit for someone. I can reject the delivery order. I can cancel or change the class. I can ignore or unfollow content that I don't agree with, or don't want to occupy my mind (what we focus on grows, so we must choose wisely :)

It's easier to be happy, but sometimes in the heat of the moment, it feels harder to make the choices that lead to happiness. I think the biggest thing to be sacrificed is our ego. Our desire to be right. To win. But what if letting go of all of that is what gets us to where we want to be? To say, let them. And to stay true to ourselves and our own knowing, our own path. To not sweat the things we can't control so much.

I choose happiness and ease, but I know the work it's going to take to get there. Work in progress ;)

xo