Stand in Your Truth
As a recovering people pleaser, it's taken me a long time to understand that it's ok for me to stand in my own truth, even if I'm standing alone.
That having an opinion or doing things in a way that isn't the most popular by outside standards, doesn't make my way of thinking, doing, believing, any less worthy. The same is true for you. We have in innate tribe mentality that makes us crave acceptance and approval, and to not be seen as other. So there can be a tendency to either ignore our own truth in the face of the pack, or to feel this urge to get people to really understand us. In the past I've been guilty of doing both. It’s a pattern that I easily slip back into when there's any type of conflict. I noticed myself in this pattern again this week. In case you don't spend a lot of your time in the spiritual world and paying attention to planetary movement, we're currently in the middle of mercury retrograde. Mercury retrograde is infamous for miscommunication, technology issues, and just generally things going a little haywire. But there's also an opportunity during Mercury Retrograde to revisit things from our past. Mercury retrograde is infamous for bringing exe's back into your life, or just situations that were never quite finished. Or that ended in a way that felt unresolved. Where words were left unspoken. So it didn't surprise me for a second that this week I was faced with my classic people pleasing habits, on multiple different occasions. I viewed each occasion where this came up as an opportunity for revisiting these patterns that I know have reached their expiration in my life. They're not a reflection of who I am today, and the work that I've done to stand in my own truth. People pleasing is a way to try to control a situation and to attempt to control how the other person is going to react to you. The reality is, it's impossible to even do that. Beyond that, people pleasing is self betrayal. It's prioritizing everyone else before yourself. So here are some of the ways I decided to stand in my truth, when things felt tense.
Take a beat- I can't emphasize enough how much pausing has helped me when I feel triggered by something. This week I got an email that immediately triggered me into fight or flight mode. As soon as I read it, my stomach was turning, my heart was racing, and I could feel anger rising in me. My instinct is always immediately to get rid of that feeling, so typically that would mean responding immediately. But I also know that can lead me to having a more emotional reaction than I would like to. I'm not someone who can easily lie or hide my true feelings. So in the moment, I drafted a response- then I let it sit. I didn't send it. Then I talked to a family member to get their POV. Sometimes we need an outside perspective as a sanity check or just to vent our frustration. I got their opinion on the situation. I paused. Let that sink in. From the time of initial email receipt to response, it was a few days. The people pleaser in me would have been mortified at the lack of urgency in getting a response out, but the new me understands that the response itself and the content of it is more important than the timing of the response.
Speak my truth- when I'm feeling defensive about something, I have a tendency to overtalk. I want to explain every little detail of what I'm thinking, in an effort to get someone else to understand my perspective. To come on my side. I've now realized what a waste of energy that sometimes is, because sometimes people just can't receive that information in the way you intend it. But the bigger lesson here is- they don't have to get it. They don't have to get you. It doesn't make them right or you wrong or vise versa. It doesn't matter. You're job is to speak your truth, your job is not to convince them of your truth. You can stand in your truth and be there alone- and you'll survive. I can tell you as I still battle with this that it takes a lot of practice before you feel more comfortable doing this. And like me, it still may always feel like an inner battle. But you don't have to convince anyone of your beliefs, in order for them to be true for you. Just stand in your truth, and let the chips fall as they may. I've been thinking about this a lot with the presidential campaigning going on right now. It applies here too. We each have to stand in our own truth, and speak to what matters to us. Some people are going to have the same truths as we do, and some will not. Both can exist. I know that's really hard to believe. I do struggle with this myself. But part of protecting our own peace is not only standing in our own truth, but letting others do the same.
Stand alone- sometimes our truth makes us really different than those around us. But different isn't worst. We have to learn how to be comfortable in our own skin. We have to trust in ourselves above anything outside of us. We can't listen to our head that convinces us that we need to strive to belong. We need to listen to our heart, who tells us who we are. This week I went to a networking event where I ended up talking to a handful of women I had never met before, who all came from totally different walks of life. They all had such unique stories and interests, and ways they live their lives. It was incredible. Getting to talk to these women and learn so much, and see so many different ways you can live your life, was inspiring. I left on a high. Because I recognize the value in how much we have to offer each other when we're just ourselves, and when we speak our truth. Maybe we don't stand in the same truth as others, but we can stand next to them in our own truth.
We live in a society that loves to oversimplify, and make things as simple as black and white. Right or wrong. But I think the beauty of this world is that there's nothing but grey. I don't have to make myself right, and you wrong, to live my life. I don't have to put you down, for me to rise up. And I never thought I'd say this but… a little conflict is healthy. It's what challenges us to grow to new levels. To really learn about ourselves and what we're capable of, and to show us what we're here to do.
Xo
