Holiday Triggers
Today is Mother's Day. It's one of many holidays that can be really triggering for people for a variety of reasons.
I'll admit that I find holidays like this complicated. On the one hand, I want to celebrate the people who enjoy the day and who deserve and want to be celebrated. On the other hand, I know what a difficult holiday it is for so many- that it feels bittersweet. Being an empath and highly sensitive person, I can really understand how all the "happy mother's day!" wishes, marketing, etc. could be adding salt to already existing wounds. My own personal experience with Mother's Day only further leaves me feeling conflicted. I grew up in a household where Mother's Day was not an easy holiday. I'm not going to delve into the details there, because it's not only my story to share and affects other people. But because of the difficulty surrounding the holiday, I grew up to really understand the heaviness the holiday can bring. In direct opposition, pivot to me opening a floral business. Mother's Day is huge holiday, and one that I spend a lot of time thinking about, advertising, etc. Add to that, I'm a 40 year old woman without kids. There will be another post for another day on that subject, because I think it deserves it's own dedicated post. To note, I don't largely feel triggered personally by Mother's Day- it more just feels like a club that I'm not a part of. It sort of makes me feel like I'm still a little kid in some ways. Like I'm someone's kid always, but I'm never going to be on the receiving end of the celebration. And with my business, I'm always going to be celebrating those who are in the club. It reminds me of the Sex and the City episode where Carrie laments that she spends all her time celebrating other people's celebrations that have become milestones to celebrate- weddings, babies, etc. where her achievements are left uncelebrated. I think our society is coming a long way towards accepting people's different life paths. But the standard holidays around what's worth celebrating remain.
I think a lot about the people who are really triggered by holidays like Mother's Day. People who want to be mother's but can't; people who have lost their mother; people with difficult mother relationships; mother's without relationships with their kids; people who weren't raised with a maternal figure. People who are mother's or maternal figures but may not be traditionally recognized on this day. The list goes on and on. Last night I hosted a Mother's Day floral workshop. It never ceases to bring the most amazing group of women together. One woman who I was speaking with who was absolutely delightful and seemed to be having a great time, at one point quietly expressed to me that her daughter had died. It completely caught me off guard. This woman standing in front of me was filled with joy. Immediately my heart broke for her. I asked her if this weekend is hard for her, and she told me it's all about perspective. That she chooses not to be depressed all the time about it, as she very well could be. She instead focuses on what she has to be grateful for. The fact that someone who went through such tragedy could say that on this particular weekend had me in awe. So it had me thinking about how we approach not just Mother's Day weekend, but really just any holiday or period of time that's difficult for us. Because it is easiest to get sucked into the negative aspects of it. And I'm not saying there isn't room for mourning, and feeling our feelings. But I also don't think it's healthiest for us to stay in that place. I think the times that we're triggered, are the greatest opportunities for self care. For us to do something for ourselves that brings us comfort, and if possible, some joy. It doesn't have to look any certain type of way. It's really just what works for you.
I've talked about this before but I also think that we should make our own occasions to celebrate. Maybe the traditionally observed holidays don't align with what you prioritize in your life. Maybe there are things that are a really big deal in your life that are worth celebrating. We don't need a holiday on the calendar to celebrate those moments. But here's the thing. You may have to have the courage to make the big deal about it. It's not being braggy, it's not being a narcissist. But sometimes people don't realize the things that are big to us. Sometimes we have to sing it from the rooftop for ourselves. Sometimes we have to plan the party ourselves. And I don't think that's anything to be ashamed about. We're all worth celebrating, and what's worth celebrating is different for each of us.
If today is a day you love, and love to be celebrated, I love that for you. And I'm celebrating it for you <3 And I hope you are being celebrated the way you want and deserve. If today is not a day you love for any reason, I'm thinking about you and sending you peace. I hope you take extra care of yourself today.
Xo
