New Beginnings
In my 20s, I had a close group of girlfriends who, whenever one of us was going through a big life event or change, we'd get together and toast to "new beginnings."
It started becoming a normal thing to have new beginnings parties based on whatever any one of us was going through. When we're younger, we're sort of use to life changing a lot. It sort of comes with getting older, and the many transitions we go through. From living at home, to going off to live with roommates, to starting jobs, etc. And while it doesn't make it any easier to go through sometimes really difficult transitions, I think we more easily accept it in some ways. Of course, when we're younger it can still seem like the end of the world for a relationship to come to an end, or a job. But it's as if we're not quite jaded enough by life to take it too seriously. Or maybe that was just my experience. A night out drinking and dancing usually took a lot of the sting out.
As we get older, it feels like we're more resistant to change. Sometimes it's because we worked so hard, or put so much time, effort or money into something- that it feels like a failure or shortcoming on our part to have lost it. A lot of times we fear that nothing will take it's place, so we fear the emptiness. Sometimes we've been in that position before, so we're fearful that history is repeating itself. Imagining that we're going to go right back to the same place we were X number of years ago. Sometimes we even cling to things that we know aren't right for us, out of fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of starting over, fear of taking a risk that may not work out, fear of abandoning a steady paycheck. Fear of the reliable, no matter how uncomfortable it makes us.
But if we aren't brave enough to make the change or move on on our own, I truly believe it will often be taken out of our control. The Universe, God- whatever sort of higher power beyond yourself that you may believe in, will come in. If you're in a low place, I believe you'll continue to attract things at your energy level. So if you're in a job you're miserable in, you'll continue to find reasons to be miserable day to day. It will feel like you continue to collect evidence to prove that you're right. But no one actually wants to feel that way, and it's not as if that's what many of us consciously choose. It's just a natural pattern we get into. Similarly, when you're in the flow and life is good- you'll often stumble into countless "lucky" situations, where things just seem to go your way. There's nothing worst than being the one in that "low" point, and witnessing someone else who's just in the flow living their best life. Maddening, right?! And with social media- it is so easy to see this everywhere you look. In fact, it may make you feel like you're the only one going through a tough time. That's just because most people only show their best life moments.
What I know to be true is that in order to make room for new beginnings, there have to be endings. In my mind, it's literally a matter of space. In order for there to be room for something new, something else has to end to leave space. I'm not saying that's always true, 100% of the time, but I can say looking back at my life experiences, it has almost always been the case. I'm a pretty risk adverse person by nature. I was never the type to feel comfortable with leaving one job, without another lined right up behind it for example. But you know what is fascinating to look back at? That has almost never been what's happened for me. I can think of one time, ONE in my entire life, when I chose to leave a job for a different one that was a done deal. Every other time? Here's what happened. I was not the one who was brave. I was not the one to take the risk. Instead, I would be unhappy in a job, know it, but not leave it. Sure, I would look for other jobs and put myself out there. But I would never take the stand to leave without having something 100% ready to jump into. And you know what happened? In every single one of those situations, my hand was forced. I was either laid off unexpectedly, the company was sold and I was out of a job, or something truly egregious happened that forced me to leave with no choice. Certainly never what I wanted, and against my very risk adverse being. I can say looking back, that every one of those situations had to happen for what was next in my life. The trick is, I didn't know it at the time. I didn't know what was on the other side. But looking back I can see that without the endings, there couldn't be the new beginnings. And I'm not going to tell you that every new beginning was great, or that it was what I expected. Some of those beginnings I now understand were things I had to go through and learn, to further expand who I was becoming. There were some situations that were really lousy at the time, that taught me about my character and the type of person I aspire to be in the world. I wouldn't have learned those things about myself, without some of those painful experiences and lessons.
I've been thinking a lot about new beginnings and endings in this retrograde and eclipse season we're in. I can feel the full charge of everything going on around us. Some of the endings may not even be so literal- like a job, or relationship, etc. Sometimes an ending is about a way of doing things, a way of being in the world. I bring this up as a reminder to myself that endings of all sorts are necessary, and to not be afraid. They're what allow the space for better things to come in. And who doesn't want better? And who are we to assume we know what the best thing is? What if there's something even greater than we could ever imagine for ourselves, right around the corner? And here's the other big thing. While change feels harder as we get older, we also have more tools and life experiences to work through whatever it is we're going through. We're better equipped than we've ever been before to handle change. I may not be as brave as I'd like to be, and ready to burn all the boats for what's next- but I know now to let what's ending, end. To not try to control the outcome. It's not in my control, anyway.
Cheers to new beginnings <3 And shout out to my friend Robyn who is part of the OG new beginnings crew, who I know is a faithful reader. Love you, miss you.
Xo
