Hiding behind busyness
Have you ever noticed how being busy has become this sort of badge of honor people wear around?
A way to demonstrate that they're needed, that they're hustling, that their life is full. It's a perfect excuse for a number of things. But that's just the thing- it's often used as an excuse. We hide behind it. We use it as a way to get out of things rather than telling the truth or setting a boundary around. Because the truth is, we make time for the things we really want to do. And honestly, it's not something we should be ashamed of. We really only do have 24 hours in a day, and a long list of things we could, would, should do. And then where does that leave us when it comes to the things we want to do?
It's easier to hide behind the busyness. When we do that, we don't have the time or mental or emotional capacity for what remains. Maybe we're hiding from the fact that we're not happy. Maybe we're hiding from dealing with something we know we have to deal with at some point, but the busyness allows us to avoid it. Maybe we're hiding from ourselves. Because if we let the thoughts and emotions come in, what would happen? The thought is too unbearable for us to imagine, so we don't.
Busyness can be a vice. Just like alcohol. Drugs. Gambling. Excessive shopping. It's just another numbing agent that allows us to avoid. But it will only work for so long. Maybe you get fired or laid off. Maybe you just burn out. And then you're faced with it and there is no choice but to look it right in the eyes. I'm not saying you can just drop the 'busyness' and solve whatever ails you. It's definitely not that easy. And if you've been doing it for a long time, it's going to take a long time to unravel. Because there's a 50/50 chance you don't know what you're running from. And if that's the case, it'll take time and energy and a lot of work to uncover it. This is why many of us just don't do it. It's why many of us relapse. And it's a sneaky vice because it masquerades as an achievement. So you can announce it from the rooftops without being questioned or judged. But does it feel good? Is the busyness of your life filling you with joy?
Don't get me wrong. There is busyness that's genuine every day life stuff that piles up, that we never make it through. And I'm not saying being busy is bad, especially if it's the good kind of busy! The kind that fills you up, that allows you to work towards your goals, etc. That's ideal, especially because many of us enjoy some level of busyness. That's not the kind of busyness I'm talking about. I'm talking about the kind of busyness that is self induced to mask what's really going on. So the question is whether we have a healthy relationship with the busyness of life?
I'm one of those people who loves the start of a new year. I definitely fall into the category of people who use it as an opportunity for a fresh start, and to assess the past year and make plans for the next. I'm getting rid of all the Christmas stuff that's piled up, cleaning the house, getting all the holiday food out of the fridge, and diving into my vision board for the next year. Yeah, I'm one of those people lol. Come next year we can talk about vision boarding for the year ;) One thing I do before I create a vision for the year ahead is assess the past year. I'll come up with a list of the things I'm leaving behind, the struggles, etc. and then I'm focusing on all that I'm grateful for from the past year. And honestly looking back is often really hard. Sometimes I'm like… how did I just get through an entire year and I didn't do XYZ? Maybe it's that I didn't accomplish goals in my business. Maybe it's that I didn't get to do some of the fun activities I was hoping to get to do. And if I didn't, it's because I chose to fill my time with other things. And what were those things? Sometimes it's hard to even track down! We get so use to running on auto pilot. To reacting to life. Reacting to other peoples agendas that aren't our own. We get wrapped up in the busyness and then come year end, we have to face it. Did the busyness result in what we wanted it to? Do we feel satisfied about how we spent our time? Or did we use it to avoid doing the things we know we needed/wanted to do, or to people please, etc.
Last week when I talked about taking back my morning, it was all about this idea of trying to set the start of my day up for success. And what success means to me is a day that's intentional. A day where I set myself up to accomplish what I want to, to experience joy, etc. rather than to just react to everything and everyone. It requires setting boundaries from the second I wake up. And avoiding getting into the busyness trap is just an extension of that. So here are some things I'm asking myself, as I work to live intentionally.
I am trying to catch myself from using the word "busy" in response to a request from someone. I'm asking myself, am I using this as an excuse to not tell the truth and get out of something? Am I using this as an attempt to not hurt the person's feelings? If so, I'm changing my response to "I'm sorry, but I can't." And I know that that's enough, and no further explanation is needed….even though I feel this urge to make an excuse. But I know it will make it so much easier to set up a dynamic of honesty, so that when the day comes where I want to say no and I don't have the busyness excuse ready, I don't have to fall back on that. And honestly, most people think far less of a no than we expect. In fact, have you ever noticed how some people (myself included) will ask if you can do something, and even preface it with the statement of "you're probably too busy but…" like they're already lining you up for the excuse! It makes it so easy on us!
And when I notice that I'm filling my time with reasons to be busy, I'm taking a minute to ask myself what hole I may be trying to fill by keeping busy. It may be relatively easy to figure out. And if it's not, I know it's worth the time to figure it out. Because whatever it is, it's not going to go away. Rip the band aid off. Here are some of the questions I ask myself to get to the root:
Am I bored?
Am I lonely?
Am I unsatisfied with my work?
Am I feeling like I need to prove something?
Am I depressed?
Am I avoiding a conversation I need to have with someone?
Am I avoiding certain life tasks that I should be dealing with?
Feel free to join along with me in my journey of analyzing busyness!!! And btw, in real life, I promise I won't come at you or judge you when you say you're busy :) I get it. And there is real busyness, but there's also the addiction to busyness. I'm just prompting you to ask yourself which one it is you're living with.
Xo
