You can change your story

So much of our experiences in life are painted by the stories we’ve made up about them.

Our mind is a powerful thing. It was built for survival. The only problem is, it was built around surviving things like not being attacked by a bear, vs. surviving social awkwardness for example lol. But the brain reacts often in the same way to either situation. And a large part of that is because our mind starts to create a story around what is happening, so that it thinks it can protect us from what's to come. The mind likes repetition, and it likes making correlations. Confirmation bias means that if you have a negative thought about something, you'll approach it negatively and get essentially exactly what you wanted (or expected) out of the situation. Let's use the social awkwardness situation as an example. You previously went to a networking event for work, and it was so painful and awkward for you. The next time the opportunity arises to attend an event, your mind (and body along with it) goes into fight or flight. It assumes that you're headed for the exact same situation, so it's trying to tell you that you should avoid at all cost. Makes sense, right? You don't need to touch a hot stove twice to learn the lesson. The problem is that then you're going into the situation with a preconceived notion of what is going to happen, which leads to a self fulfilling prophecy most likely.

So what's the alternative? We can start by questioning where we get our beliefs from and why we've created the narrative in the first place. It could be an outdated story, or a story someone else told us that we latched on to as being true, or as being our story- and maybe it never was. Then we can ask ourselves what experience we would rather have, and we tell our brains just that. I'm going to go to this networking event and I'm gonna slay it. I'm going to have an amazing time, and make great connections. I'm going to be myself, and not worry what anyone around me thinks. My mind is going to follow along with what I'm telling it. Why? Because your mind makes your thoughts real. And since your mind likes repetition, why wouldn't you feed it positive thoughts rather than negative? You may not be able to control what happens, but you can control how you think about what happens. If I walked out of a networking event thinking "wow, I really don't think those people I spoke with really seemed interested in what I had to say" I could instead say "those people were feeling as uncomfortable as I was and were wondering about how people were feeling about them." So often we make ourselves feel like crap because of a story we have completely invented!!! Isn't that maddening?! I'm pretty much an expert in the area ;)

This can happen in all areas of our life. We're letting our mind run the show and not giving it a second thought, as if it's the one in charge. But it's not. We're the puppet masters here, and we need to show up and enforce the thoughts we want to believe in. Honestly, it's just an easier way to live life. It can be as simple as saying that you're going to "look on the bright side," even if there's evidence to suggest otherwise. But what's the harm? Are you enjoying being miserable and worrying all the time? Is that getting you anywhere good? Do you ever notice that when you're in the flow- relaxed- enjoying life, that good things tend to just come your way and happen? Alternatively, do you live the "when it rains it pours" motto? Where one crappy event happens, only to set off a domino affect? What if you tried to not let the one event derail the whole day. Focus your energy elsewhere and on something positive rather than stewing in it. You could very well change the trajectory of your day. And listen, we certainly can't control everthing. You may in fact still have a crappy day. But you can tell yourself a different story about it, rather than one that's going to send your mind in a tailspin about what other awful things are to come.

Let it be easy. I love this phrase. No idea where it came from but. I do notice my tendency to overthink, overcomplicate, procrastinate, etc based on all my inner story telling. And it's not a fun way to operate. I'd much rather let it be easy, wouldn't you? So I’m working on being the story teller in my own life, and showing up the way I want to, vs. letting fear and my mind take over. And I’m inviting you to join me. We’ve got nothing to lose, but so much to gain.

xo